Sometimes You Just Want to be Silly

#1 Bestselling author Kevin J. Anderson is known for his grand science fiction sagas, his epic fantasies, his fast-paced adventures, or his steampunk Clockwork chronicles.

But Kevin J. Anderson also has a lighter side. You’ll laugh so hard, brains will come out your nose.

What happens when—

A wimpy, henpecked man finds an enchanted loincloth that turns him into a real jungle Ape Man?

A stranded alien uses his advanced technology to fool audiences as a stage magician?

A frustrated monster-movie actor uses a gypsy witch’s special makeup to turn into a real werewolf when the cameras start to roll?

A group of heavy-metal fans finds a spell on the Internet to raise their favorite dead rock star from the grave for a final encore?

A vampire, just minding his own business, wakes from his coffin to find he’s being stalked through his own castle by an over-enthusiastic vampire hunter?

A futuristic law firm uses time travel as a legal loophole to win their client’s case?

Dan Shamble, Zombie P.I. takes on the Boogeyman for a client, or is hired out to save a sacrificial Aztec Christmas turkey?

These twenty stories cover a range of slapstick, subtle, short-short, and groaner humor. The Funny Business also includes for the very first time the scripts of the hilarious comic miniseries Grumpy Old Monsters, never before published.

Beware—silliness ahead. Open the book, and prepare to snicker!

Join former scamp Cullin and his merry band of confidence men (and one liberated princess) as they put The Sting in the Middle Ages. With dreams of being a hero, or at least a storyteller, Cullin travels with Sir Dalbry, a washed-up knight in shining armor; Reeger, ready and eager for any part of the dirty work; and Affonyl, former princess, who wanted to study science and alchemy, rather than embroidery.

Together, they cross the land with one scam after another, concocting their own heroic deeds, preparing mock dragon heads, or selling kraken tusks and mermaid scales.

But when attempting to con King Longjohn, whose castle is supposedly bursting at the seams with treasure, the caper turns sour. The powerful Wizard-Mage Ugnarok and his army of ugly and muscular (if not too bright) orcs takes over Longjohn’s castle, imprisoning the king, pillaging the halls, and carrying on with typical orclike mayhem.

Cullin and his friends are trapped in the castle’s labyrinth of secret passages, just trying to survive . . .  or is this the opportunity for a grander scam than they have ever attempted before?

Orcs are terribly superstitious—you can’t bash a ghost, after all—and it’s like Die Hard in a castle, as Cullin, Affonyl, Reeger, and Dalbry set up a grand haunting that will scare off even the scariest orc army.

Widely considered as the first collection of non-traditional ghost stories, The Ghost Book combines twisted tales from some of the literary greats of the early 1900s: Algernon Blackwood, D.H. Lawrence, Oliver Onions, Enid Bagnold, and Arthur Machen.

Settle in by the fire for these classic, influential tales, where ghosts roam the woods, the roads, and possibly the room where you sleep. Some ghosts want redemption, some revenge, and some simply want peace and quiet. Some aren’t real ghosts after all.

A woman comes face to face with the terrifying killer of her fiancé’s first bride. A young boy learns the names of winning race horses in an unexpected way. A man’s vast wealth can’t save him from his past sins. When a lost play is discovered, the ghost of Shakespeare will do anything to keep it forgotten.

Settle in, settle in. And discover which ghost is creeping up the stairs.

Now with a foreword from Kevin J. Anderson, bestselling author of over 175 novels, who may still see ghosts after reading this collection as a kid.

The final volume in the New York Times–best-selling, award-winning steampunk trilogy by Kevin J. Anderson and legendary Rush drummer Neil Peart

In Clockwork Angels and Clockwork Lives, readers met the optimistic young hero Owen Hardy, as well as the more reluctant adventurer Marinda Peake, in an amazing world of airships and alchemy, fantastic carnivals and lost cities. Now Owen Hardy, retired and content in his quiet, perfect life with the beautiful Francesca, is pulled into one last adventure with his eager grandson Alain. This final mission for the Watchmaker will take them up to the frozen lands of Ultima Thule and the ends of the Earth. Marinda Peake must undertake a mission of her own, not only to compile the true life story of the mysterious Watchmaker, but also to stop a deadly new group of anarchists.

The Clockwork trilogy is based on the story and lyrics from the last album of musical titans Rush, with Anderson and Peart expanding the world, stories, and characters. The two developed the final novel in the trilogy in the last years of Peart’s life, and more than a year after his passing, Anderson returned to that unfinished project, with the full support of Peart’s wife, bringing Owen and Marinda’s stories to a satisfying and stirring conclusion.

IN THE UNNATURAL QUARTER, THE PLOT THICKENS . . . AND THEN RUNS UNCONTROLLABLY!

When Howard Phillips Publishing announces the 12 + 1 anniversary edition (due to unavoidable production delays) of the famed Necronomicon—the very book that caused the Big Uneasy in the first place—it takes zombie P.I. Dan Chambeaux, a.k.a. “Shamble,” to root out the diabolical schemes surrounding the book, and the fanatics who wish to destroy it.

With enough plot twists to confound a professional contortionist, Dan Shamble doesn’t have time for light reading. Along with his ghost girlfriend Sheyenne, his firebrand lawyer partner Robin, his best human friend Officer Toby McGoohan, and his ultra-cute vampire half-daughter Alvina, Dan faces an unnatural caseload.

Entire neighborhoods in the Quarter have simply vanished into thin air.

Rogue werewolf cop Hairy Harry struggles to write and market his memoir.

Customer complaints turn monstrous over an auto mechanic shop run by gremlins, to whom “repair” is a foreign concept.

And when unnatural doppelgangers appear in the shadowed streets, it does not mean double the fun.

Entangled in it all is the mousy virgin librarian—now turned superstar celebrity—whose blood sacrifice, through an accidental paper cut, brought back all the monsters thirteen years ago.

That anniversary is indeed an unlucky number.

3 books, $14.97

Sky Realm

by Rebecca Moesta and Kevin J. Anderson Crystal Doors: Book 3

Ocean Realm

by Rebecca Moesta and Kevin J. Anderson Crystal Doors: Book 2

Cults of Death and Madness

by John Haas

CAN GWEN, VIC, AND THEIR FRIENDS SUCCEED—AND SURVIVE—IN THE EXCITING CONCLUSION TO THE CRYSTAL DOORS TRILOGY?

Will the five friends forge the magical Ring of Might? If they do, will they be enough to challenge Azric?

Now their friend Sharif is next in line to the throne of Irrakesh, the sky city.

Before he can choose between duty and destiny, Irrakesh is attacked, and the flying city is taken hostage by the dark wizard’s monstrous winged army.

Now Gwen, Vic, and their friends take to the skies for the climactic showdown with the evil wizard and all of his dark forces.

Will Gwen and Vic finally vanquish Azric? Or will the unleashed power of the Sky Realm be too much for them?

WILL THEIR NEW ALLIES HELP GWEN AND VIC SURVIVE, OR WILL FATE BALANCE THE SCALES IN A WAR BETWEEN SEA AND LAND?

Gwen and Vic are still learning magic and science on the island of Elantya when they learn that Vic’s lost father has finally made it through the crystal doors to their new world.

However, their excitement is short-lived when they are kidnapped by their underwater enemies and taken beneath the sea.

Imprisoned there, forced to witness battles among sea monsters and face the dark sage Azric, they discover a scheme that could bring Elantya to ruins.

Can they escape in time to save the magical island from destruction?

Or will their enemies finally win?

3 Ebooks, $14.97

Neodymium Exodus

by Jen Finelli

Nexus

by Mike Baron

The Ghost of Christmas Always

edited by Kevin J. Anderson

Charles Dickens, struggling writer, is haunted by the ghost of his lost daughter, and in his darkest Christmastime she comes to him in visions to inspire his writing . . .  and sparks the idea for one of the greatest Christmas stories of all time.

War of Omission

by Kevin O'Donnell, Jr.

Island Realm: Book One of the Crystal Doors Series

by Rebecca Moesta and Kevin J. Anderson

Fire on the Border

by Kevin O'Donnell, Jr.

What happens when your father accidentally transports you through a magical doorway?

From New York Times bestselling authors Rebecca Moesta and Kevin J. Anderson.

Fourteen-year-old cousins Gwen and Vic have lived together ever since the mysterious deaths of Gwen’s parents and the disappearance of Vic’s mother.

When Vic’s scientist father accidentally transports them through a magical doorway to the island of Elantya, the challenges begin.

Elantya—wonder-filled place of magic as well as steampunk technology.

Vic and Gwen are soon caught in a tempest of ancient magic, bizarre gadgets, vicious creatures, and fierce battles in a territorial feud with the sea-dwelling merlons, an age-old conflict between the bright and dark sages . . . and Gwen and Vic’s own mysterious roots.

Slushpile Memories: How NOT to Get Rejected

by Kevin J. Anderson

The Throne of Saturn

by Allen Drury

Empty Graves

by Jonathan Maberry

Turn those rejections into acceptances—and contracts.

“Dear Author, Your story does not meet our needs at this time . . .”

You know your story is good, but still it was rejected. Over and over again. What are you doing wrong? Are the odds against you?

How can an author climb to the top of a pile of competing manuscripts and actually catch an editor’s attention?

Slushpile Memories gives you inside information and practical tips on how to make your manuscript stand out, how to demonstrate your professionalism, and how to separate yourself from the amateurs.

# 1 international bestselling author Kevin J. Anderson has over 23 million copies of his books in print, and he has edited numerous anthologies, including the three bestselling science fiction anthologies of all time. Bringing his unique perspective as both a writer and an editor, he shares pragmatic tips on how to avoid mistakes that will get your work rejected out of hand. He also recounts hair-raising anecdotes of slushpile disasters, as well as personal stories to help a writer understand the challenges, and the hope, of finally getting accepted.

Learn to look at the slushpile from the editor’s perspective, understand the hot button mistakes, and show the mark of a genuine pro author that any editor will want to work with.

Mother of Frankenstein

by Mary Wollstonecraft & William Godwin

Unmasked: Stories of Risk and Revelation

edited by Kevin J. Anderson

Bright Moment and Others

by Daniel Marcus

When the mask comes off, can you handle what’s underneath?

When your secret identity is revealed . . .

When the monster is unleashed . . .

When the superhero’s child has no power . . .

When Death himself is caught unawares . . .

Pull back the mask to reveal 21 tales from seasoned and award-winning authors, of magical masks, gas masks, death masks, superheroes, secret identities, disguised robots, alien symbionts, a Napoleonic thief, a swindling demon—even a hidden clown.

Who will take the risk?

Explore the masks we wear, the mysteries they conceal, and the price we pay when they’re stripped away.

Join us in our unmasquerade as we revel in—revelation!

Lava

by Kevin O'Donnell, Jr.

War of the Worlds: Global Dispatches

edited by Kevin J. Anderson

Keeper of the Earth

by Jenna Solitaire

The Martian Invasion! Accounts of the War of the Worlds as told by celebrity eyewitnesses all around the globe!

Jules Verne reports on the Martian attacks on Paris.

Teddy Roosevelt, big game hunter, goes after the most dangerous game . . . from another world.

Mark Twain recounts the Martians on the Mississippi.

Jack London fights the Martians in the Yukon.

Albert Einstein pits his great mind against the Martian overlords.

And fourteen other imaginary reports from the front lines of the War of the Worlds, including H.P. Lovecraft, Winston Churchill, Pablo Picasso, Rudyard Kipling, Joseph Conrad, and others—as written by some of the greatest names in modern science fiction.

Being Noah

by Cheryl Hardy

The Complete War of the Worlds

by H.G. Wells

The Humans in the Walls

by Eric James Stone

Keeper of the Waters

by Jenna Solitaire with Russell Davis

The Detective Stories of Edgar Allan Poe

by Edgar Allan Poe

The Cthulhu Stories of Robert E Howard

by Robert E. Howard

Drumbeats Special Edition

by Kevin J. Anderson and Neil Peart

A chilling tale of African drums and human souls from #1 international best-selling author Kevin J. Anderson and legendary Rush lyricist and drummer Neil Peart.

Early in their three decades of correspondence, Neil Peart sent Kevin J. Anderson extensive descriptions and travelogues of his adventures bicycling solo across Africa. Peart painted a vivid and unsettling landscape as memorable as the lyrics to his songs.

Anderson, award-winning and best-selling fantasy and science fiction author, used those descriptions as the backdrop for plotting an intense, atmospheric dark fantasy story that followed Peart’s experiences, though with a much more ominous twist. The two used their respective strengths to weave a memorable tale that will linger long after the last page.

This special illustrated edition includes Anderson’s new introduction, written after Peart’s death on January 7, 2020, as well as the original Afterword Peart wrote for the story.