After much consideration, I think that the best way to defeat the aliens is to send them a copy of the regulations generated by the Affordable Care Act. This will work in one of two ways: the aliens will either be so preoccupied trying to understand any single part of it that it will stop the hive mind in its tracks, or they will be so worried at the thought of being contaminated by such stupidity that they'll completely avoid Earth and anything on it.

Selected by Brad R. Torgersen, author of The Chaplain’s War.

Read the October contest guidelines here.