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CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

INTERLUDE

Support Chat Log

Date: June 29th


System: Thank you for your patience. A Build-A-Dragon support operator will be with you in three minutes.


Customer1: HELLO, MY NAME IS GLORIA JEAN ADAMS.


System: Thank you for your patience. A Build-A-Dragon support operator will be with you in three minutes.


Customer1: I’M CALLING YOU ABOUT A LOST DRAGON.


System: Thank you for your patience. A Build-A-Dragon support operator will be with you in two minutes.


Customer1: HE’S A GOOD BOY AND HE’S NEVER BEEN GONE.


System: Thank you for your patience. A Build-A-Dragon support operator will be with you in one minute.


Customer1: FOR THIS LONG!


Charles: Hello, and thank you for contacting Build-A-Dragon support. My name is Charles. How may I help you today?


Customer1:  . . . 


Customer1:  . . . 


Customer1: HELLO, MY NAME IS GLORIA JEAN ADAMS.


Charles: Hello, Mrs. Adams. Is it possible that you have the Caps Lock key turned on?


Customer1:  . . . 


Customer1: Oh, I sure did. Thank you, young man.


Charles: It’s my pleasure. So, how can we assist you today?


Customer1: Well, Charlie Rose didn’t come home last night and I’m worried about him.


Charles: Charlie Rose?


Customer1: He’s my pet dragon. One of those whatchamacallits. The kind that go fetch and such.


Charles: A Rover model?


Customer1: Yes, that’s it.


Charles: I’m pulling up your account now. How long has Charlie been missing?


Customer1: Haven’t seen hide nor scale of him since yesterday.


Charles: One moment, please. I have your account up, but I think something must be incorrect.


Customer1: Why? What’s it say?


Charles: Nothing to be concerned about, Mrs. Adams. It’s trying to tell me you own eleven dragons.


Customer1: That must be a typo.


Charles: I thought as much. Let me just update the record—


Customer1: Counting Charlie, I’ve got twelve.


Charles:  . . . 


Charles: I’m sorry, Mrs. Adams. Did you say you have TWELVE of our dragons?


Customer1: I think so. Let’s see. There’s Charlie Rose, Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, Anderson Cooper, Anderson Cooper 2—


Charles: There’s no need to—


Customer1: Lester Holt, Bryant Gumbel, Seth Myers, Jimmy Kimmel Junior, and Fluffy McFlufftail.


Charles: Fluffy McFlufftail?


Customer1: My granddaughter named him.


Charles: I wondered.


Customer1: Now, if you’ll just tell me how to locate my missing baby, I’ll be on my way.


Charles: Of course. Do you know if Charlie Rose had a GPS chip implanted?


Customer1: A what?


Charles: A GPS chip. It would have been done by your veterinarian.


Customer1: I don’t know anything about a GPB or whatzit. And we don’t need a veterinarian, either.


Charles: May I ask if Charlie Rose has done this before?


Customer1: No, never. He usually sticks close by me, as he doesn’t always get along with his brothers.


Charles: Really? Why is that?


Customer1: They’re different, that’s all. He’s my sweet cuddly boy. The rest of them are downright mean.


Charles: Oh, that’s really too bad. They’re Rovers as well, I assume?


Customer1: No, they’re something else.


Charles: Ah yes, I have it here. They’re K-10 models? How in God’s name did you get law enforcement—


Customer1: Watch your mouth, young man.


Charles: I sincerely apologize for that. What I meant was, how did you manage to end up with the dragons that we sell exclusively to law enforcement bodies?


Customer1: My husband was the chief of police, that’s how.


Charles: Oh, this is too much. I take it that your husband is . . . no longer with us?


Customer1: He died last year, God rest his soul. Job got him at last.


Charles: I’m so sorry. He died on the job?


Customer1: No. Heart attack. But he left me this lot to look after me. Bless him.

Charles: That certainly was kind. Unfortunately, our K-10 models are not really designed to be household pets.


Customer1: Says who?


Charles: It’s clearly stated in our dragon care manual that these are not for civilian use.


Customer1: You leave my good boys out of this. Let’s keep our mind on the task at hand, which is finding Charlie Rose.


[System Log: Operator Charles opened incident report with security flag, immediate routing to Director of Security.]


Charles: Of course. Have we discussed the possibility that he ran away?


Customer1: What?


Charles: You have the equivalent of a Golden Retriever living with a pack of Rottweilers. Maybe he saved himself.


Customer1: He wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t leave me.


Charles: Well, there is another possibility. May I ask you if you’ve fed your dragons in the last day?


Customer1: Well, that’s a good question. Come to think of it, I can’t remember. I’m as bad about that sometimes as I am at taking my pills.


Charles: Is it possible you forgot?


Customer1: Now that you mention it, yes. I think it’s been a couple of days. Darn! I keep meaning to get that new bag of food out of the garage.


Charles: What are your K-10 dragons doing at the moment, if I may ask?

Customer1: Laying around. I’ve got two on the couch with me, a few others on the floor. Anderson Cooper 2 is probably upstairs on one of the vents.


Charles: How is their mood?


Customer1: The ones in here look pretty pleased.


Charles: Contented?


Customer1: Like foxes who found the henhouse open.


Charles: Oh, no.


Customer1: What’s wrong with that?


Charles: Nothing. Nothing at all, Mrs. Adams.


Customer1: What about Charlie Rose?


Charles: Well, I’m afraid he’s . . . gone.


Customer1: Gone where? Don’t break my heart, now, you hear?


Charles: Oh. I’m sure he went to a nice farm with lots of fields to run in. And chickens to chase around.


Customer1: Do you really think so?


Charles: Of course, Mrs. Adams.


Customer1: It does sound like something he would do. Charlie Rose always was a clever one.


Charles: Well, it sounds like we’ve resolved the reason for your inquiry today. Thank you for contacting the Build-A-Dragon Company.


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