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CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

INTERLUDE

Support Chat Log

Date: September 6th


System: Thank you for your patience. A Build-A-Dragon support operator will be with you in three minutes.


Customer1: Hi.


System: Thank you for your patience. A Build-A-Dragon support operator will be with you in two minutes.


Customer1: I’m Billy!


System: Thank you for your patience. A Build-A-Dragon support operator will be with you in one minute.


Customer1: System is a weird name. Do your parents hate you or something?


Charles: Hello, and thank you for contacting Build-A-Dragon support. My name is Charles.


Customer1: Hi, I’m Billy!

Charles: Hello, Billy. Do you have a last name?


Customer1: Um, yeah. Everybody does.


Charles: Can you tell me it?


Customer1: I’m not supposed to give it to people.


Charles: That’s perfectly fine. We can get to it later.


Customer1: Where did that System guy go? Did he get fired?


Charles: Uh, no. I’m happy to talk to you, though. How can I help you today?


Customer1: Well, my mom said I should talk to you if Boomer ever got into trouble while she was at work.


Charles: I see. I take it your mom is at work right now?


Customer1: Yep! I’m in charge.


Charles: And Boomer is?


Customer1: My dog, DUH!


Charles: Your . . . dog?


Customer1: He’s the best dog in the world.


Charles: What is he like?


Customer1: Well, he’s a great friend. He let me pet him, like, right away. And he only likes people in our family. NOT strangers.


Charles: I was hoping you could tell me what he looks like.


Customer1: Oh! Well, he’s about three feet long, and kind of gray in color, with no fur.


Charles: No fur?


Customer1: He has this soft skin, kind of like a snake. Mom said it’s what makes him safe for our house, because I’m allergic to regular dogs.


Charles: Is it possible that he’s not really a dog at all?


Customer1: OH MY GOD you sound like my friends. He IS a dog. He’s just the special kind for kids with allergies.


Charles: I think I understand. You said Boomer got into trouble, right? Tell me about that.


Customer1: Well, we were playing in the backyard and he did something bad.


Charles: What did he do?


Customer1: It wasn’t his fault!


Charles: I’m sure that’s true. Just tell me what happened.


Customer1: We have this stupid bird in our oak tree. It’s gray and white and black. I can never remember its name.


Charles: Sparrow?


Customer1: No, not a sparrow. Why would anyone care about a tiny bird like that, dummy?


Charles: I had that one coming.


Customer1: It’s that bird that they wrote a book about being all innocent. But really they’re a pain in the butt. You know the one?


Charles: I believe you’re describing a mockingbird.


Customer1: Yes! Mockingbird. Well, it has a nest or something so it always flies at us and makes all kinds of noise when we play outside. It was doing that today and it was super annoying. I had to go inside just for a second to get a drink.


Charles: Did you leave Boomer outside?


Customer1: Yes. Just for a minute! Anyway, when I came back, the bird was gone. But Boomer had all of these feathers he kept coughing up.


Charles: Did anyone see what happened?


Customer1: No.


Charles: Then I don’t think you have anything to worry about, Billy.


Customer1: Oh, good. I feel MUCH better!


Charles: If that’s all—


Customer1: The same thing happened to Frisco.


Charles: Who’s Frisco?


Customer1: Our neighbor’s hairless cat. It’s ugly. It was in the yard trying to catch the bird.


Charles: Okay.


Customer1: It went on a long time. But then, I started to get a little hungry.


Charles: Oh, no.


Customer1: So I went in for a snack. SUPER fast.


Charles: Please tell me you brought Boomer in, too.

Customer1: Nope. But when I came back, Frisco was gone!


Charles: Well . . . maybe the cat left after the bird disappeared.


Customer1: But he left his collar behind. And a foot!


Charles: What did you do with those?


Customer1: Nothing. My neighbor, Mr. Jenkins, came and got them.


Charles: Did he say anything?


Customer1: He said bad words. He was holding the collar and the foot, and yelling at Boomer. And Boomer was hissing at him.


Charles: What happened next?


Customer1: I don’t know. I came inside and talked to you.


Charles: Billy, can I have your mom’s name and phone number?


Customer1: Sorry, that’s a secret.


Charles: Billy, it’s important!


Customer1: Nope, those are Mom’s Rules. And like you said, I have nothing to worry about. So I won’t worry! Thanks for your help. And tell System I said thanks, too.


Charles: Please stay on the line.


[System message: user disconnected]


Charles: They really don’t pay me enough for this.


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