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FISH STORY

Fredric Brown



Legends of mermaids tell of their irresistible charm to sailors and other air-breathing men. But just how much are merfolk like the fish which they resemble?


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Robert Palmer met his mermaid one midnight along the ocean front somewhere between Cape Cod and Miami. He was staying with friends but had not yet felt sleepy when they retired and had gone for a walk along the brightly moonlit beach. He rounded a curve in the shoreline and there she was, sitting on a log embedded in the sand, combing her beautiful, long black hair.

Robert knew, of course, that mermaids don’t really exist—but, extant or not, there she was. He walked closer and when he was only a few steps away he cleared his throat.

With a startled movement she threw back her hair, which had been hiding her face and her breasts, and he saw that she was more beautiful than he had thought it possible for any creature to be.

She stared at him, her deep-blue eyes wide with fright at first. Then, “Are you a man?” she asked.

Robert didn’t have any doubts on that point; he assured her that he was. The fear went out of her eyes and she smiled. “I’ve heard of men but never met one.” She motioned for him to sit down beside her on the embedded log.

Robert didn’t hesitate. He sat down and they talked and talked, and after a while his arm went around her and when at last she said that she must return to the sea, he kissed her good night and she promised to meet him again the next midnight.

He went back to his friends’ house in a bright daze of happiness. He was in love.

For three nights in a row he saw her, and on the third night he told her that he loved her, that he would like to marry her—but that there was a problem—

“I love you too, Robert. And the problem you have in mind can be solved. I’ll summon a Triton.”

“Triton? I seem to know the word, but—”

“A sea demon. He has magical powers and can change things for us so we can marry, and then he’ll marry us. Can you swim well? We’ll have to swim out to meet him; Tritons never come quite to the shore.”

He assured her that he was an excellent swimmer, and she promised to have the Triton there the next night.

He went back to his friends’ house in a state of ecstasy. He didn’t know whether the Triton would change his beloved into a human being or change him into a merman, but he didn’t care. He was so mad about her that as long as they would both be the same, and able to marry, he didn’t care in which form it would be.

She was waiting for him the next night, their wedding night. “Sit down,” she told him. “The Triton will blow his conch shell trumpet when he arrives.”

The sat with their arms around each other until they heard the sound of a conch shell trumpet blowing far out on the water. Robert quickly stripped off his clothes and carried her into the water; they swam until they reached the Triton. Robert treaded water while the Triton asked them, “Do you wish to be joined in marriage?” They each said a fervent “I do.”

“Then,” said the Triton, “I pronounce you merman and merwife.” And Robert found himself no longer treading water; a few movements of a strong sinuous tail kept him at the surface easily. The Triton blew a note on his conch shell trumpet, deafening at so close a range, and swam away.

Robert swam to his wife’s side, put his arms around her and kissed her. But something was wrong; the kiss was pleasant but there was no real thrill, no stirring in his loins as there had been when he had kissed her on shore. In fact, he suddenly realized, he had no loins that he could detect. But how—?

“But how—?” he asked her. “I mean, darling, how do we—?”

“Propagate? It’s simple, dear, and nothing like the messy way land creatures do it. You see, mermaids are mammalian but oviparous. I lay an egg when the time comes and when it hatches I nurse our merchild. Your part—”

“Yes?” asked Robert anxiously.

“Like other fishes, dear. You simply swim over the egg and fertilize it. There’s nothing to it.”

Robert groaned, and suddenly deciding to drown himself, he let go of his bride and started swimming toward the bottom of the sea.

But of course he had gills and didn’t drown.



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