CHAPTER IX
Wilkins thinks of destroying himself—His soliloquy—Strange accident in the hold—His surprise—Cannot climb the rock—His method to sweeten his water—Lives many months on board—Ventures to sea in his boat several times, and takes many fish—Almost overcome by an eel.
AFTER I had stood a while in the utmost confusion of thought, and my spirits began to be a little composed, I was resolved to see what damage the hull of the ship had received. Accordingly I looked narrowly, but could find none, only she was immovably fixed in a cleft of the rock, like a large archway, and there stuck so fast, that though upon fathoming I could find no bottom, she never moved in the least by the working of the water.
I now began to look upon Adams as a happy man, being delivered by an immediate death from such an inextricable scene of distress, and wished myself with him a thousand times. I had a great mind to have followed him into the other world; yet I know not how it is, there is something so abhorrent to human nature in self-murder, be one’s condition what it will, that I was soon determined on the contrary side. Now again I perceived that the Almighty had given me a large field to expatiate in upon the trial of His creatures, by bringing them into imminent dangers ready to overwhelm them, and at the same time, as it were, hanging out the flag of truce and mercy to them. These thoughts brought me to my knees, and I poured out my soul to God in a strain of humiliation, resignation to His will, and earnest petitions for deliverance or support in this distress. Having finished, I found myself in a more composed frame; so having eaten a biscuit and drank a can of water, and not seeing anything to be done whereby I could better my condition, I sat me down upon the deck, and fell into the following soliloquy Peter, says I, what have you to do here?—Alas! replied I to myself, I am fixed against my will in this dismal mansion, destined, as rats might be, to devour the provisions only, and having eaten all up, to perish with hunger for want of a supply.—Then, says I, of what use are you in the world, Peter?—Truly, answered I, of no other use that I can see but to be an object of misery for Divine vengeance to work upon, and to show what a deplorable state human nature can be reduced to; for I cannot think any one else can be so wretched.—And again, Peter, says I, what have you been doing ever since you came into the world?—I am afraid, says I, I can answer no better to this question than to either of the former; for if only reasonable actions are to be reckoned among my doings, I am sure I have done little worth recording; for let me see what it all amounts to. I spent my first sixteen years in making a fool of my mother; my three next in letting her make a fool of me, and in being fool enough myself to get me a wife and two children before I was twenty. The next year was spent in finding out the misery of slavery from experience. Two years more I repined at the happiness of my benefactor, and at finding it was not my lot to enjoy the same. This year is not yet spent, and how many more are to come, and where they may be passed, and what they may produce, requires a better head than mine even to guess at; but certainly my present situation seems to promise nothing beside woe and misery.—But hold a little, says I, and let me clearly state my own wretchedness. I am here, it is true; but for any good I have ever done or any advantage I have reaped in other places, I am as well here as anywhere. I have no present want of food or unjust or cruel enemy to annoy me; so as long as the ship continues entire and provisions last, I shall do tolerably. Then why should I grieve or terrify myself about what may come? What my frighted imagination suggests may perhaps never happen. Deliverance, though not to be looked for, is yet possible; and my future fate may be as different from my present condition as this is from the hopes with which I lately flattered myself. And why, after all, may I not die a natural death here as well as anywhere? All mankind die, and then there is an end of all—An end of all! did I say? No, there is something within that gives me the lie when I say so. Let me see; Death, my master used to say, is not an end, but a beginning of real life: and may it not be so? May I not as well undergo a change from this to a different state of life when I leave this world, as be born into it I know not from whence? Who sent me into this world? Who framed me of two natures so unlike, that death cannot destroy but one of them? It must be the Almighty God. But all God’s works tend to some end; and if He has given me an immortal nature, it must be His intention that I should live somewhere and somehow for ever. May not this stage of being then be only an introduction to a preparative for another? There is nothing in this supposition repugnant to reason. Upon the whole, if God is the author of my being, He only has a right to dispose of it, and I may not put an end thereto without His leave. It is no less true that my continuing therein during His pleasure, and because it is so, may turn vastly to my advantage in His good time; it may be the means of my becoming happy for ever when it is His will that I go hence. It is no less probable that, dismal as my present circumstances appear, I may be even now the object of a kind Providence: God may be leading me by affliction to repentance of former crimes; destroying those sensual affections that have all my days kept me from loving and serving Him. I will therefore submit myself to His will, and hope for His mercy.
These thoughts, and many others I then had, composed me very much, and by degrees reconciled me to my destined solitude. I walked my ship, of which I was now both master and owner, and employed myself in searching how it was fastened to the rock, and where it rested; but all to no purpose as to that particular. I then struck a light and went into the hold, to see what I could find useful, for we had never searched the ship since we took her.
In the hold I found abundance of long iron bars, which I suppose were brought out to be trafficked with the blacks. I observed they lay all with one end close to the head of the ship, which I presumed was occasioned by the violent shock they received when she struck against the rock; but seeing one short bar lying out beyond the rest, though touching at the end of one of the long bars, I thought to take it up, and lay it on the heap with the others; but the moment I had raised the end next the other bars, it flew out of my hand with such violence, against the head of the ship, and with such a noise, as greatly surprised me, and put me in fear it had broke through the plank.
I just stayed to see no harm was done, and ran upon deck with my hair stiff on my head; nor could I conceive less than that some subtle spirit had done this prank merely to terrify me.
It ran in my pate several days, and I durst upon no account have gone into the hold again, though my whole support had lain there; nay, it even spoiled my rest, for fear something tragical should befall me, of which this amazing incident was an omen.
About a week after, as I was shifting myself (for I had not taken my clothes off since I came there), and putting on a new pair of shoes which I found on board, my own being very bad, taking out my iron buckles, I laid one of them upon a broken piece of the mast that I sat upon; when to my astonishment, it was no sooner out of my hand but up it flew to the rock and stuck there. I could not tell what to make of it, but was sorry the devil had got above deck. I then held several other things one after another in my hand, and laid them down where I laid the buckle, but nothing stirred till I took out the fellow of that from the shoes; when letting it go away, it jumped also to the rock.
I mused on these phenomena for some time, and could not forbear calling upon God to protect me from the devil; who must, as I imagined, have a hand in such unaccountable things as they then seemed to me. But at length reason got the better of these foolish apprehensions, and I began to think there might be some natural cause of them, and next to be very desirous of finding it out. In order to this I set about making experiments to try what would run to the rock and what would not. I went into the captain’s cabin, and opening a cupboard, of which the key was in the door, I took out a pipe, a bottle, a pocketbook, a silver spoon, a teacup, &c., and laid them successively near the rock; when none of them answered, but the key which I had brought out of the cupboard on my finger dropping off while I was thus employed, no sooner was it disengaged but away it went to it. After that I tried several other pieces of ironware with the like success. Upon this, and the needle of my compass standing stiff to the rock, I concluded that this same rock contained great quantity of loadstone, or was itself one vast magnet, and that our lading of iron was the cause of the ship’s violent course thereto, which I mentioned before.
This quite satisfied me as to my notions of spirits, and gave me a more undisturbed night’s rest than I had had before, so that now, having nothing to affright me, I passed the time tolerably well in my solitude, as it grew by degrees familiar to me.
I had often wished it had been possible for me to climb the rock, but it was so smooth in many places and craggy in others, and overhanging, continuing just the same to the right and left of me as far as ever I could see, that from the impossibility of it, I discharged all thoughts of such an attempt.
I had now lived on board three months, and perceived the days grow shorter and shorter, till, having lost the sun for a little time, they were quite dark: that is, there was no absolute daylight, or indeed visible distinction between day and night; though it was never so dark but I could see well enough upon deck to go about.
What now concerned me the most was my water, which began to grow very bad (though I had plenty of it) and unsavoury, so that I could scarce drink it, but had no prospect of better. Now and then indeed it snowed a little, which I made some use of, but this was far from contenting me. Hereupon I began to contrive; and having nothing else to do, I set two open vessels upon deck, and drawing water from the hold I filled one of my vessels, and letting it stand a day and a night I poured it into the other, and so shifted it every twenty-four hours; this, I found, though it did not bring it to the primitive taste and render it altogether palatable, was nevertheless a great help to it, by incorporating the fresh air with it, so that it became very potable, and this method I constantly used with my drinking-water, so long as I stayed on board the ship.
It had now been sharp weather for some time, and the cold still increasing, this put me upon rummaging the ship farther than ever I thought to do before; when opening a little cabin under deck, I found a large cargo of fine French brandy, a great many bottles, and some small casks of Madeira wine, with divers cordial waters. Having tasted these, and taken out a bottle or two of brandy, and some Madeira, I locked up my door and looked no farther that time.
The next day I inquired into my provisions, and some of my flesh having soaked out the pickle, I made fresh pickle and closed it up again. I that day also found several cheeses cased up in lead, one of which I then opened and dined upon: but what time of day or night it was when I eat this meal I could not tell. I found a great many chests well filled, and one or two of tools which some years after stood me in a very good stead, though I did not expect they would ever be of that service when I first met with them.
In this manner I spent my time till I began to see broad daylight again, which cheered me greatly. I had been often put in hopes during the dark season that ships were coming towards me, and that I should once more have the conversation of mankind, for I had by the small glimmering seen many large bodies (to my thinking) move at a little distance from me, and particularly toward the reappearing of the light, but though I hallooed as loud as I could, and often fired my gun, I never received an answer.
When the light returned, my days increased in proportion as they had before decreased; and gathering comfort from that, I determined to launch my small boat and to coast along the island, as I judged it, to see if it was inhabited and by whom; I determined also to make me some lines for fishing, and carry my gun to try for other game, if I found a place for landing; for though I had never, since my arrival, seen a single living creature but my cat, except insects, of which there were many in the water and in the air before the dark weather, and then began to appear again, yet I could not but think there were both birds and beasts to be met with.
Upon launching my boat I perceived she was very leaky, so I let her fill and continue thus a week or more to stop her cracks, then getting down the side of my ship I scooped her quite dry and found her very fit for use; so putting on board my gun, lines, brandy bottles, and clothes chest for a seat, with some little water and provisions for a week, I once more committed myself to the sea, having taken all the observation I could to gain my ship again if any accident should happen, though I resolved upon no account to quit sight of the rock willingly.
I had not rowed very long before I thought I saw an island to my right about a league distant, to which I inclined to steer my course, the sea being very calm; but upon surveying it nearer, I found it only a great cake of ice, about forty yards high above the water and a mile or two in length, I then concluded that what I had before taken for ships were only these lumps of ice. Being thus disappointed as to my island, I made what haste I could back to the rock again and coasted part of its circumference; but though I had gone two or three leagues of its circuit, the prospect it afforded was just the same.
I then tried my lines by fastening several very long ones, made of the logline, to the side of the boat, baiting them with several different baits, but took only one fish of about four pounds weight, very much resembling a haddock, part of which I dressed for my supper after my return to the ship, and it proved very good. Towards evening I returned to my home, as I may call it.
The next day I made a voyage on the other side of the rock, though but to a small distance from the ship, with intent only to fish, but took nothing. I had then a mind to victual my boat or little cruiser, and prepare myself for a voyage of two or three days, which I thought I might safely undertake, as I had never seen a troubled sea since I came to the island; for though I heard the wind often roaring over my head, yet it coming always from the landside, it never disturbed the water near the shore. I set out the same way I went at first, designing to sail two or three days out and as many home again, and resolved if possible to fathom the depth as I went. With this view I prepared a very long line with a large shot tied in a rag at the end of it, by way of plummet, but I felt no ground till the second night The next morning I came into thirty fathom water, then twenty, then sixteen. In both tours I could perceive no abatement in the height or steepness of the rock.
In about fourteen fathom water I dropped my lines, and lay by for an hour or two. Feeling several jars as I sat on my chest in the boat, I was sure I had caught somewhat, so pulling up my lines successively, I brought first a large eel near six feet long and almost as thick as my thigh, whose mouth, throat, and fins, were of a fine scarlet, and the belly as white as snow: he was so strong while in the water, and weighty, I had much ado to get him into the boat, and then had a harder job to kill him; for though, having a hatchet with me to cut wood in case I met with any landing-place, I chopped off his head the moment I had him on board, yet he had several times after that have like to have broken my legs and beat me overboard before I had quite taken his life from him, and had I not whipped off his tail and also divided his body into two or three pieces, I could not have mastered him. The next I pulled up was a thick fish like a tench, but of another colour and much bigger. I drew up several others, flat and long fish, till I was tired with the sport; and then I set out for the ship again, which I reached the third day.
During this whole time, I had but one shot, and that was as I came homewards, at a creature I saw upon a high crag of the rock, which I fired at with ball, fearing that my small shot would not reach it The animal, being mortally wounded, bounded up, and came tumbling down the rock, very near me, I picked it up, and found it to be a creature not much unlike our rabbits, but with shorter ears, a longer tail, and hoofed like a kid, though it had the perfect fluck of a rabbit. I put it into my boat, to contemplate on when I arrived at the ship; and, plying my oars, got safe, as I said, on the third day.
I made me a fire to cook with as soon as I had got my cargo out of the boat into my ship, but was under debate which of my dainties to begin upon. I had sometimes a mind to have broiled my rabbit, as I called it, and boiled some of my fish; but being tired, I hung up my flesh till the next day, and boiled two or three sorts of my fish, to try which was best. I knew not the nature of most of them, so I boiled a piece of my eel, to be sure, judging that, however I might like the others, I should certainly be able to make a good meal of that. This variety being ready, I took a little of my oil out of the hold for sauce, and sat down to my meal, as satisfied as an emperor. But upon tasting my several messes, though the eel was rather richer than the smaller fishes, yet the others were all so good, I gave them the preference for that time, and laid by the rest of the eel, and of the other fish, till the next day, when I salted them for future use.
I kept now a whole week or more at home, to look farther into the contents of the ship, bottle off a cask of Madeira, which I found leaking, and to consume my new stores of fish and flesh, which, being somewhat stale when first salted, I thought would not keep so well as the old ones that were on board. I added also some fresh bread to my provision, and sweetened more water by the aforementioned method; and when my necessary domestic affairs were brought under, I then projected a new voyage.