CHAPTER 15
“If I were really your son, I’d be like eighty or something.”
“I never married. It’s a figure of speech.” The Governor shook his head. “You’re so testy when we do this. I’ve never understood why.”
The why was actually easy, and I’d never understood how he hadn’t figured it out. My crew and I, due to a system-wide mix-up that wasn’t my fault, had inadvertently caused him to be deposed as Governor of Knaboor. Which meant he’d lost the best cover and base of operations any intergalactic bookie and all around special fixit man could have dreamed of. I’d figured out who he was during this little fiasco, and instead of him ordering my execution, he’d moved in with me.
It had kept us in jobs for the past five years, and no one seemed the wiser. But I hated that he wanted to play pretend when it was just the two of us. He insisted it helped to keep his cover with the others. I was pretty sure he just liked yanking my chain. A lot. Maybe he did understand why it bothered me—like my Great-Aunt Clara, the Governor was good with the applied guilt.
“So, what do we do… Janz? And, more importantly, what do I tell Beber Zoltan when I meet up with him tomorrow evening?”
“You’ll tell him that Janz expects you to be given hazard pay, for whatever the job is. Whatever he first offers, quadruple it, allow him to bargain, but only settle for triple.”
“They’re a lot of them and they’re bigger than me. Frankly, all of the men on Herion seem bigger than me.”
“They put steroids in the milk here.”
“Thank God I only drink alcoholic beverages.”
“Truly. It affects their sexual abilities in a negative way.”
“My day just got a lot brighter.”
“Perhaps if you stopped screwing every female that moved, Alexander, Miss Slinkie would consider your suit.”
“How did this turn into ‘Your Love Life With Uncle Oldie’? What am I supposed to do if Zoltan and his crew don’t like how I negotiate?”
“Well, that’s why you had Miss Slinkie make a date with Herion Military, is it not? Stop playing stupid, Alexander. We don’t have the time. You will simply tell Zoltan that Janz has made his decision, and hazard pay, plus twenty percent of the gross, is the final decision. Unless, of course, they offer more than twenty-five percent of the gross to begin with.”
“Why so?”
He sighed. “Five years under my tutelage and you still have to ask?”
“I just love hearing you talk. Fine. If they offer more they’re either so desperate the job’s going to go bad in the first hour, or it’s a set up. But, this is Herion. I expect both of those and for them to offer one percent.”
He chuckled. “Good point. However, Janz the Butcher’s reputation seems intact here, if your description of how they reacted to the name is any indication.”
“Yeah, seems that way. So, getting off planet with a job and without military intervention is pretty much the story of our lives. I think we’ll manage that, somehow. But getting to Runilio, let alone out of Herion solar space, without being vaporized is the bigger issue of the day. Any ideas?”
The Governor shook his head. “Ideas, no. That’s your department. However, I can tell you who I suspect is behind the attacks, and why.”
“I’m listening. Intently.”
“I believe Pierre de Chance and the Chatouilleux Français Armada are back in business.”
I did a fast translation. “You’re kidding.”
“No, that’s really his name.”
“Lucky Pierre and the French Tickler Armada? And someone, anyone, considers this guy scary?”
The Governor gave me a long look. “Before he was stopped, Pierre and his minions had the entire Delta Quadrant under their control. No ships could come in or out of solar space without their approval and, of course, tribute.”
“How much was the tribute?”
“Seventy-five percent of cargo worth.”
My jaw dropped. “That’s piracy!”
The Governor gave me his patented “and I’m stuck with you” look. “Yes. Hence why I told you they were a pirate armada. This is the beginning. They capture any and all viable spacecraft. Kill or employ their pilots and crew. Once the planetary system is fully cut off, they offer negotiations. By the time that happens, economics are so bad the planets make the deals.”
“So, what’re the odds they’d hire us and let us work for them?”
“Slim to none. Your reputation is too good, Alexander.”
“I’m not exactly known as hero of the galaxy.”
“No. You’re known as the best pilot in said galaxy and a man who can be bought, but not employed. And while I know you’re a pirate, smuggler, and all around bad man, not everyone else does.” This was said in the condescending way he used when he wanted to make it clear to me that, as bad men went, I wasn’t really in the game, just pretending.
“So? I sound like a great addition to the French Tickler team.” Not that I wanted to join up, unless it meant all the women I could ever want, any time, anywhere. Then again, I had the best one in my crew already, and I just had to figure Pierre, as head man, would sort of expect Slinkie as a show of good faith.
“Pierre would never let you live—you’re someone who could, conceivably, take over his operation.”
“Yeah?” Felt pretty good all of a sudden. The Governor didn’t hand out a lot of compliments as a rule.
“Don’t preen. I said ‘conceivably’. Pierre doesn’t know you. I do. You’re fine with a small crew. Too many people and your so-called management skills deteriorate faster than a snowball on Thurge.”
“I think I resent that.”
“But you don’t and can’t deny it.”
“Sadly, no. I just want to get off this rock, go out, get some legal magma, get paid for our one legal job in the last six months, then go back out and relieve some merchants of part of their load in a nice and friendly manner. I may be a pirate, but I don’t take seventy-five percent.”
“Because you’re clear on the concept of keeping the herd fattened and producing.”
“True. Pierre isn’t?”
“No, he is. He had a desire to rule the world, however. Clearly the desire’s back.”
“How was he stopped the last time?”
He sighed. “We sent in an undercover team who infiltrated and were able to destroy from within.”
“Didn’t they kill off Pierre?”
“Oh, they did. But, I’d assume one of his children took over the family business. Some things are handed down.”
“Are you sure he was killed?”
“Very.”
“How so?”
The Governor chuckled. “Because I killed him.”