CHAPTER ONE
“All of them should have been very happy—”
Their problems were solved: the poor they no longer had with them;
the sick, the lame, the halt, and the blind were historic memories;
the ancient causes of war no longer obtained;
they had more freedom than Man has ever enjoyed.
All of them should have been happy—
Hamilton Felix let himself off at the thirteenth level of the Department of Finance, mounted a slideway to the left, and stepped off the strip at a door marked:
BUREAU OF ECONOMIC STATISTICS
Office of Analysis and Prediction
Director
PRIVATE
He punched the door with a code combination, and awaited face check. It came promptly; the door dilated, and a voice inside said, “Come in, Felix.”
He stepped inside, glanced at his host and remarked, “You make ninety-eight.”
“Ninety-eight what?”
“Ninety-eight sourpusses in the last twenty minutes. It’s a game. I just made it up.”
Monroe-Alpha Clifford looked baffled, an expression not uncommon in his dealings with his friend Felix. “But what is the point? Surely you counted the opposites, too?”
“Of course. Ninety-eight mugs who’d lost their last friends, seven who looked happy. But,” he added, “to make it seven I had to count one dog.”
Monroe-Alpha gave Hamilton a quick look in an effort to determine whether or not he was joking. But he could not be sure—he rarely could be sure. Hamilton’s remarks often did not appear serious, frequently even seemed technically sense-free. Nor did they appear to follow the six principles of humor—Monroe-Alpha prided himself on his sense of humor, had been known to pontificate to his subordinates on the necessity of maintaining a sense of humor. But Hamilton’s mind seemed to follow some weird illogic of its own, self-consistent perhaps, but apparently unrelated to the existent world.
“But what is the purpose of your survey?” he asked.
“Does it need a purpose? I tell you, I just made it up.”
“But your numbers are too few to be significant. You can’t fair a curve with so little data. Besides, your conditions are uncontrolled. Your results don’t mean anything.”
Hamilton rolled his eyes up. “Elder Brother, hear me,” he said softly. “Living Spirit of Reason, attend Thy servant. In Your greatest and most prosperous city I find vinegar phizzes to grins in a ratio of fourteen to one—and he says it’s not significant!”
Monroe-Alpha looked annoyed. “Don’t be irreverent,” he advised. “And the proper ratio is sixteen and a third to one; you should not have counted the dog.”
“Oh, forget it!” his friend answered. “How goes the tail chasing?” He wandered around the room, picking things up and putting them down under Monroe-Alpha’s watchful eye, and finally stopped in front of the huge integrating accumulator. “It’s about time for your quarterly prediction, isn’t it?”
“Not ‘about time’—it is time. I had just completed the first inclusive run when you arrived. Want to see it?” He stepped to the machine, pressed a stud. A photostat popped out. Monroe-Alpha unclipped it and handed it to Hamilton without looking at it. He had no need to—the proper data had been fed into the computer; he knew with quiet certainty that the correct answer would come out. Tomorrow he would work the problem again, using a different procedure. If the two answers did not then agree, within the limits of error of the machine, he would become interested in the figures themselves. But, of course, that would not happen. The figures would interest his superiors; the procedure alone was of interest to him.
Hamilton eyed the answer from a nonprofessional viewpoint. He appreciated, in part at least, the huge mass of detail which had gone into this simple answer. Up and down two continents human beings had gone about their lawful occasions—buying, selling, making, consuming, saving, spending, giving, receiving. A group of men in Altoona, Pennsylvania, had issued unsecured aspirant-stock to subsidize further research into a new method of recovering iron from low-grade ores. The issue had been well received down in New Bolivar where there was a superabundance of credit because of the extreme success of the tropical garden cities along the Orinoco (“Buy a Slice of Paradise”). Perhaps that was the canny Dutch influence in the mixed culture of that region. It might have been the Latin influence which caused an unprecedented tourist travel away from the Orinoco during the same period—to Lake Louise, and Patagonia, and Sitka.
No matter. All of the complex of transactions appeared in the answer in Hamilton’s hand. A child in Walla Walla broke its piggy bank (secretly, with one eye on the door), gathered up the slowly accumulated slugs and bought a perfectly delightful gadget, which not only did things, but made the appropriate noises as well. Some place down in the innards of the auto-clerk which handled the sale for the Gadget Shoppe four holes were punched in a continuous roll of paper; the item appeared in the owner’s cost accounting, and was reflected in the accounting of the endless chain of middle distributors, transporters, processors, original producers, service companies, doctors, lawyers, merchants, chiefs—world without end.
The child (a bad-tempered little blond brat, bound to prove a disappointment to his planners and developers) had a few slugs left over which he exchanged for a diet-negative confection (“Father Christmas’ Pseudo-Sweets—Not a tummy ache in a tankful”); the sale was lumped with many others like it in the accounts of the Seattle Vending Machine Corporation.
The broken piggy bank and its concatenations appeared in the figures in Hamilton’s hand, as a sliver of a fragment of a super-microscopic datum, invisible even in the fifth decimal place. Monroe-Alpha had not heard of this particular piggy bank when he set up the problem—nor would he, ever—but there are tens of thousands of piggy banks, a large but countable number of entrepreneurs, lucky, and unlucky, shrewd and stupid, millions of producers, millions of consumers, each with his draft book, each with printed symbols in his pouch, potent symbols—the stuff, the ready, the you-know-what, jack, kale, rocket juice, wampum, the shekels, the sugar, the dough.
All of these symbols, the kind that jingle and the kind that fold and, most certainly, the kind that are only abstractions from the signed promise of an honest man, all of these symbols, or more correctly, their reflected shadows, passed through the bottleneck formed by Monroe-Alpha’s computer, and appeared there in terms of angular speeds, settings of three-dimensional cams, electronic flow, voltage biases, et complex cetera. The manifold constituted a dynamic abstracted structural picture of the economic flow of a hemisphere.
Hamilton examined the photostat. The reinvestment of accumulated capital called for an increase in the subsidy on retail transfers of consumption goods of three point one percent and an increase in monthly citizens’ allowance of twelve credits—unless the Council of Policy decided on another means of distributing the social increment.
“‘Day by day, in every way, I’m getting richer and richer,’” Hamilton said. “Say, Cliff, this money machine of yours is a wonderful little gadget. It’s the goose that lays the golden egg.”
“I understand your classical allusion,” Monroe-Alpha conceded, “but the accumulator is in no sense a production machine. It is merely an accounting machine, combined with an integrating predictor.”
“I know that,” Hamilton answered absently. “Look, Cliff—what would happen if I took an ax and just beat the bejasus out of your little toy?”
“You would be examined for motive.”
“Don’t be obtuse. What about the economic system?”
“I suppose,” Monroe-Alpha told him, “that you want me to assume that no other machine was available for replacement. Any of the regional accumulators could—”
“Sure. Bust the hell out of all of them.”
“Then we would have to use tedious methods of actuarial computation. A few weeks’ delay would result, with accumulated errors which would have to be smoothed out in the next prediction. No important result.”
“Not that. What I want to know is this. If nobody computed the amount of new credit necessary to make the production-consumption cycle come out even—what would happen?”
“Your hypothetical question is too far-fetched to be very meaningful,” Monroe-Alpha stated, “but it would result in a series of panics and booms of the post-nineteenth century type. Carried to extreme, it could even result in warfare. But of course it would not be—the structural nature of finance is too deeply imbedded in our culture for pseudo-capitalism to return. Any child understands the fundamentals of production accounting before he leaves his primary development center.”
“I didn’t.”
Monroe-Alpha smiled tolerantly. “I find that difficult to believe. You know the Law of Stable Money.”
“‘In a stable economy, debt-free new currency must be equated to the net re-investment,’” Hamilton quoted.
“Correct enough. But that is Reiser’s formulation. Reiser was sound enough, but he had a positive talent for stating simple things obscurely. There is a much simpler way to look at it. The processes of economic system are so multitudinous in detail and involve so many promises to be performed at later dates that it is a psychological impossibility for human beings to deal with the processes without the use of a symbol system. We call the system ‘finance’ and the symbols ‘money.’ The symbolic structure should bear a one-to-one relationship to the physical structure of production and consumption. It’s my business to keep track of the actual growth of the physical processes and recommend to the policy board changes in the symbol structure to match those in the physical structure.”
“I’m damned if you’ve made it any simpler,” Hamilton complained. “Never mind—I didn’t say I didn’t understand it; I said I didn’t understand it as a kid. But honestly—wouldn’t it be simpler to set up a collective system and be done with it?”
Monroe-Alpha shook his head. “Finance structure is a general theory and applies equally to any type of state. A complete socialism would have as much need for structural appropriateness in its cost accounting as do free entrepreneurs. The degree of public ownership as compared with the degree of free enterprise is a cultural matter. For example, food is, of course, free, but—”
“Freeze it, pal. You’ve just reminded me of one of the two reasons I had for looking in on you. Busy for dinner tonight?”
“Not precisely. I’ve a tentative date with my ortho-wife for twenty-one hundred, but I’m free until then.”
“Good. I’ve located a new pay-restaurant in Meridian Tower that will be a surprise to your gastro tract. Guaranteed to give you indigestion, or you have to fight the chef.”
Monroe-Alpha looked dubious. He had had previous experience with Hamilton’s gastronomic adventures. “Let’s go to the refectory here. Why pay out hard cash for bad food when good food is included in your basic dividend?”
“Because one more balanced ration would unbalance me. Come on.”
Monroe-Alpha shook his head. “I don’t want to contend with the crowds. Honestly, I don’t.”
“You don’t really like people, do you?”
“I don’t dislike them—not individually.”
“But you don’t like ’em. Me, I like ’em. People are funnier than anybody. Bless their silly little hearts. They do the craziest things.”
Monroe-Alpha looked morose. “I suppose you are the only sane one in the lot.”
“Me? Shucks, no. I’m one long joke on myself. Remind me to tell you about it sometime. But look—the other thing I came to see you about. Notice my new sidearm?”
Monroe-Alpha glanced at Hamilton’s holster. In fact, he had not noticed that his friend was bearing anything new in the way of weapons—had he arrived unarmed Monroe-Alpha would have noticed it, naturally, but he was not particularly observant about such matters, and could easily have spent two hours with a man and never noticed whether he was wearing a Stokes coagulator or a common needlebeam.
But, now that his attention was directed to the matter, he saw at once that Hamilton was armed with something novel . . . and deucedly odd and uncouth. “What is it?” be asked.
“Ah!” Hamilton drew the sidearm clear and handed it to his host. “Whoops! Wait a moment. You don’t know how to handle it—you’ll blow your head off.” He pressed a stud on the side of the grip, and let a long flat container slide out into his palm. “There—I’ve pulled its teeth. Ever see anything like it?”
Monroe-Alpha examined the machine. “Why, yes, I believe so. It’s a museum piece, isn’t it? An explosive-type hand weapon?”
“Right and wrong. It’s mill new, but it’s a facsimile of one in the Smithsonian Institution collection. It’s called a point forty-five Colt automatic pistol.”
“Point forty-five what?”
“Inches.”
“Inches . . . let me see, what is that in centimeters?”
“Huh? Let’s see—three inches make a yard and a yard is about one meter. No, that can’t be right. Never mind, it means the size of the slug it throws. Here . . . look at one.” He slid one free of the clip. “Damn near as big as my thumb, isn’t it?”
“Explodes on impact, I suppose.”
“No. It just drills its way in.”
“That doesn’t sound very efficient.”
“Brother, you’d be amazed. It’ll blast a hole in a man big enough to throw a dog through.”
Monroe-Alpha handed it back. “And in the meantime your opponent has ended your troubles with a beam that acts a thousand times as fast. Chemical processes are slow, Felix.”
“Not that slow. The real loss of time is in the operator. Half the gunfighters running around loose chop into their target with the beam already hot. They haven’t the skill to make a fast sight. You can stop ’em with this, if you’ve a fast wrist. I’ll show you. Got something around here we can shoot at?”
“Mmm . . . this is hardly the place for target practice.”
“Relax. I want something I can knock out of the way with the slug, while you try to burn it. How about this?” Hamilton picked up a large ornamental plastic paperweight from Monroe-Alpha’s desk.
“Well . . . I guess so.”
“Fine.” Hamilton took it, removed a vase of flowers from a stand on the far side of the room, and set the target in its place. “We’ll face it, standing about the same distance away. I’ll watch for you to start to draw, as if we really meant action. Then I’ll try to knock it off the stand before you can burn it.”
Monroe-Alpha took his place with lively interest. He fancied himself as a gunman, although he realized that his friend was faster. This might be, he thought, the split second advantage he needed. “I’m ready.”
“Okay.”
Monroe-Alpha started his draw.
There followed a single CRACK! so violent that it could be felt through the skin and in the nostrils, as well as heard. Piled on top of it came the burbling Sring-ow-ow! as the bullet ricocheted around the room, and then a ringing silence.
“Hell and breakfast,” remarked Hamilton. “Sorry, Cliff—I never fired it indoors before.” He stepped forward to where the target had been. “Let’s see how we made out.”
The plastic was all over the room. It was difficult to find a shard large enough to show the outer polish. “It’s going to be hard to tell whether you burned it, or not.”
“I didn’t.”
“Huh?”
“That noise—it startled me. I never fired.”
“Really? Say, that’s great. I see I hadn’t half-realized the advantages of this gadget. It’s a psychological weapon, Cliff.”
“It’s noisy.”
“It’s more than that. It’s a terror weapon. You wouldn’t even have to hit with your first shot. Your man would be so startled you’d have time to get him with the second shot. And that isn’t all. Think . . . the braves around town are used to putting a man to sleep with a bolt that doesn’t even muss his hair. This thing’s bloody. You saw what happened to that piece of vitrolith. Think what a man’s face will look like after it stops one of those slugs. Why a necrocosmetician would have to use a stereosculp to produce a reasonable facsimile for his friends to admire. Who wants to stand up to that kind of fire?”
“Maybe you’re right. I still say it’s noisy. Let’s go to dinner.”
“Good idea. Say—you’ve got a new nail tint. I like it.”
Monroe-Alpha spread his fingers. “It is smart, isn’t it? Mauve Iridescent it’s called. Care to try some?”
“No, thank you. I’m too dark for it, I’m afraid. But it goes well with your skin.”
They ate in the pay-restaurant Hamilton had discovered. Monroe-Alpha automatically asked for a private room when they entered; Hamilton, at the same moment, demanded a table in the ring. They compromised on a balcony booth, semiprivate, from which Hamilton could amuse himself by staring down at the crowd in the ring.
Hamilton had ordered the meal earlier in the day, which was the point which had caused his friend to consent to venture out. It was served promptly. “What is it?” Monroe-Alpha demanded suspiciously.
“Bouillabaisse. It’s halfway between a soup and a stew. More than a dozen kinds of fish, white wine, and the Great Egg alone knows how many sorts of herbs and spices. All natural foods.”
“It must be terribly expensive.”
“It’s a creative art and it’s a pleasure to pay for it. Don’t worry about it. You know I can’t help making money.”
“Yes, I know. I never could understand why you take so much interest in games. Of course, it pays well.”
“You don’t understand me. I’m not interested in games. Have you ever seen me waste a slug or a credit on one of my own gadgets—or any other? I haven’t played a game since I was a boy. For me, it is already well established that one horse can run faster than another, that the ball falls either on red or on black, and that three of a kind beats two pair. It’s that I can’t see the silly toys that people play with without thinking of one a little more complicated and mysterious. If I am bored with nothing better to do, I may sketch one and dispatch it to my agent. Presently in comes some more money.” He shrugged.
“What are you interested in?”
“People. Eat your soup.”
Monroe-Alpha tasted the mess cautiously, looked surprised, and really went to work on it. Hamilton looked pleased, and undertook to catch up.
“Felix—”
“Yes, Cliff.”
“Why did you group me in the ninety-eight?”
“The ninety-eight? Oh, you mean the sourpuss survey. Shucks, pal, you rated it. If you are gay and merry-merry behind that death mask, you conceal it well.”
“I’ve nothing to be unhappy about.”
“No, not to my knowledge. But you don’t look happy.”
They ate in silence for a few minutes more. Monroe-Alpha spoke again. “It’s true, you know. I’m not.”
“Not what?”
“Not happy.”
“So? Mmmm . . . why not?”
“I don’t know. If I did I could do something about it. My family psychiatrist doesn’t seem to be able to find the reason.”
“You’re on the wrong frequency. A psychiatrist is the last man to see about a thing like that. They know everything about a man, except what he is and what makes him tick. Besides, did you ever see a worry-doctor that was sane himself? There aren’t two in the country who can count their own fingers and get the same answer twice running.”
“It’s true that he hasn’t been able to help me much.”
“Of course not. Why? Because he will start with the assumption that there is something wrong with you. He can’t find it, so he’s stuck. It doesn’t occur to him that there might be nothing wrong with you and that might be what was wrong.”
The other man looked weary. “I don’t understand you. But he does claim to be following a clue.”
“What sort?”
“Well . . . I’m a deviant, you know.”
“Yes, I know,” Hamilton answered shortly. He was reasonably familiar with his friend’s genetic background, but disliked to hear him mention it. Some contrary strain in Hamilton rebelled against the idea that a man was necessarily and irrevocably the gene pattern handed to him by his genetic planners. Furthermore he was not convinced that Monroe-Alpha should be considered a deviant.
“Deviant” is a question-begging term. When the human zygote resulting from the combination of two carefully selected gametes is different from what the geneticists had predicted but not so different as to be classified with certainty as a mutation, that zygote is termed a deviant. It is not, as is generally believed, a specific term for a recognized phenomenon, but a catch-all to cover a lack of complete knowledge.
Monroe-Alpha (this particular Monroe-Alpha—Clifford, 32-847-106-B62) had been an attempt to converge two lines of the original Monroe-Alpha to recapture and reinforce the mathematical genius of his famous ancestor. But mathematical genius is not one gene, nor does it appear to be anything as simple as a particular group of genes. Rather, it is thought to be a complex of genes arranged in a particular order.
Unfortunately this gene complex appears to be close-linked in the Monroe-Alpha line to a neurotic contra-survival characteristic, exact nature undetermined and not assigned to any set of genes. That it is not necessarily so linked appears to be established, and the genetic technicians who had selected the particular gametes which were to produce Monroe-Alpha Clifford believed that they had eliminated the undesired strain.
Monroe-Alpha Clifford did not think so.
Hamilton fixed him with a finger. “The trouble with you, my fine foolish friend, is that you are bothering your head with things you don’t understand. Your planners told you that they had done their level best to eliminate from you the thing which caused your great-grandfather Whiffenpoof to raise garter snakes in his hat. There is a long chance that they failed, but why assume that they did?”
“My great-grandfather did nothing of the sort. A slight strain of anhedonism, a tendency to—”
“Then why act like they had to be walked on a leash? You make me tired. You’ve got a cleaner pedigree than ninety-nine out of a hundred, and a chromosome chart that’s as neat and orderly as a checker board. Yet you’re yipping about it. How would you like to be a control natural? How would you like to have to wear lenses against your eyeballs? How would you like to be subject to a dozen filthy diseases? Or have your teeth fall out, and have to chew your meals with false choppers?”
“Of course, nobody would want to be a control natural,” Monroe-Alpha said reflectively, “but the ones I’ve known seemed to be happy enough.”
“All the more reason for you to snap out of your funk. What do you know of pain and sickness? You can’t appreciate it any more than a fish appreciates water. You have three times the income you can spend, a respected position, and work of your own choosing. What more do you want out of life?”
“I don’t know, I don’t know, but I know I’m not getting it. Don’t ride me about it.”
“Sorry. Eat your dinner.”
The fish stew contained several large crab legs; Hamilton ladled one into his guest’s trencher. Monroe-Alpha stared at it uneasily. “Don’t be so suspicious,” Hamilton advised. “Go ahead. Eat it.”
“How?”
“Pick it up in your fingers, and crack the shell.” Monroe-Alpha attempted to comply, somewhat clumsily, but the greasy, hard surface skidded between his fingers. He attempted to recover and knocked it over the edge of the balcony rail at his elbow.
He started to rise; Hamilton put a hand on his forearm. “My fault,” he said. “I will repair it.” He stood up and looked down at the table directly beneath their booth.
He did not see the stray bit of seafood at once, but he had no difficulty in telling approximately where it had landed. Seated at the table was a party of eight. Two of them were elderly men who wore the brassards-of-peace. Four women alternated with the males around the table. One of them, quite young and pretty, was dabbing at something which seemed to have stained her gown. The wayward crab leg was floating in a crystal bell of purple liquid directly in front of her; cause and effect was easy to infer.
The two remaining men were both armed, both standing, and staring up at the balcony. The younger, a slender youth in bright scarlet promenade dress, resting his right hand on the grip of his sidearm, seemed about to speak. The older man turned coldly dangerous eyes from Hamilton to his youthful companion. “My privilege, Cyril,” he said quietly, “if you please.”
The young brave was clearly annoyed and reluctant to comply; nevertheless he bowed stiffly and sat down. His elder returned the bow punctiliously and turned back to Hamilton. The lace of his cuff brushed his holster, but he had not touched his weapon—as yet.
Hamilton leaned over the balcony, both his hands spread and plainly visible on the rail. “Sir, my clumsiness has disturbed the pleasure of your meal and invaded your privacy. I am deeply sorry.”
“I have your assurance that it was accidental, sir?” The man’s eyes were still frosty, but he made no move to draw. But he did not sit down.
“You have indeed, sir, and with it my humble apology. Will you graciously permit me to make reparation?”
The other glanced down, not at the youth, but at the girl whose gown had been splashed. She shrugged. He answered Hamilton, “The thought is taken for the deed, sir.”
“Sir, you leave me indebted.”
“Not at all, sir.”
They were exchanging bows and were about to resume their seats, when a shouted remark from the balcony booth directly opposite interrupted them. “Where’s your brassard?”
They both looked toward the source of the disturbance; one of a party of men—armed citizens all apparently, for no brassards were to be seen—was leaning out of the booth and staring with deliberate rudeness. Hamilton spoke to the man at the table below. “My privilege, is it not, sir?”
“Your privilege. I wish you well.” He sat down and turned his attention back to his guests.
“You spoke to me?” asked Hamilton of the man across the ring.
“I did. You were let off lightly. You should eat at home—if you have a home. Not in the presence of gentlefolk.”
Monroe-Alpha touched Hamilton’s arm. “He’s drunk,” he whispered. “Take it easy.”
“I know,” his friend answered in a barely audible aside, “but he gives me no choice.”
“Perhaps his friends will take care of him.”
“We’ll see.”
Indeed his friends were attempting to. One of them placed a restraining hand on his weapon arm, but he shook him off. He was playing to a gallery—the entire restaurant was quiet now, the diners ostentatiously paying no attention, a pose contrary to fact. “Answer me!” he demanded.
“I will,” Hamilton stated quietly. “You have been drinking and are not responsible. Your friends should disarm you and place a brassard on you. Else some short-tempered gentleman may fail to note that your manners were poured from a bottle.”
There was a stir and a whispered consultation in the party behind the other man, as if some agreed with Hamilton’s estimate of the situation. One of them spoke urgently to the belligerent one, but he ignored it.
“What’s that about my manners, you misplanned mistake?”
“Your manners,” Hamilton stated, “are as thick as your tongue. You are a disgrace to the gun you wear.”
The other man drew too fast, but he drew high, apparently with the intention of chopping down.
The terrific explosion of the Colt forty-five brought every armed man in the place to his feet, sidearm clear, eyes wary, ready for action. But the action was all over. A woman laughed, shortly and shrilly. The sound broke the tension for everyone. Men relaxed, weapons went back to belts, seats were resumed with apologetic shrugs. The diners went back to their own affairs with the careful indifference to other people’s business of the urbane sophisticate.
Hamilton’s antagonist was half-supported by the arms of his friends. He seemed utterly surprised and completely sobered. There was a hole in his chemise near his right shoulder from which a wet dark stain was spreading. One of the men holding him up waved to Hamilton with his free arm, palm out. Hamilton acknowledged the capitulation with the same gesture. Someone drew the curtains of the booth opposite.
Hamilton sank back into the cushions with a relieved sigh. “We lose more crabs that way,” he observed. “Have some more, Cliff?”
“Thanks, no,” Monroe-Alpha answered. “I’ll stick to spoon foods. I hate interruptions at meals. He might have cooled you.”
“And left you to pay the check. Such slug pinching ill becomes you, Cliff.”
Monroe-Alpha looked annoyed. “You know it’s not that. I have few enough friends not to wish to lose them in casual brawls. You should have taken a private room, as I requested.” He touched a stud under the railing; the curtains waived across the arch, shutting them off from the public room.
Hamilton laughed. “A little excitement peps up the appetite.”
In the booth opposite the man who had waved capitulation spoke savagely to the one who had been wounded. “You fool! You clumsy fool! You muffed it.”
“I couldn’t help it,” the injured man protested. “After he waved privilege, there was nothing to do but play drunk and pretend I meant the other one.” He dabbed futilely at his freely bleeding shoulder. “In the Name of the Egg, what did he burn me with?”
“No matter.”
“Maybe not to you, but it is to me. I’ll look him up.”
“You will not. One mistake is too many.”
“But I thought he was one of us. I thought it was part of the set-up.”
“Hummph! Had it been, you would have been told.”
After Monroe-Alpha left to keep his date, Hamilton found himself at loose ends. The night life of the capital offered plenty of opportunity for a man to divest himself of surplus credit, but it was not new to him. He tried, in a desultory fashion, to find professional entertainment, then gave up and let the city itself amuse him. The corridors were thronged as always, the lifts packed; the Great Square under the port surged with people. Where were they all going? What was the hurry? What did they expect to find when they got there?
The presence of some types held obvious explanations. The occasional man with a brassard was almost certainly out at this hour because his business required him to be. The same rule applied without exception to the few armed men who also wore brassards—proclaiming thereby their unique status as police monitors, armed but immune to attack.
But the others, the armed and richly costumed men and their almost-as-gaudy women—why did they stir about so? Why not remain quietly at home with their wenches? He realized, consciously and sardonically, that he himself was part of the throng, present because it amused him. He knew he had no reason to feel that his own sense of detached amusement was unique. Perhaps they all came to keep from being bored with themselves, to observe their mutual folly and to laugh. He found himself, later, the last customer in a small bar. The collection of empty cups at his elbow was impressive. “Herbert,” he said at last, to the owner back of the bar, “why do you run this joint?”
Herbert paused in his tidying up. “To make money.”
“That’s a good answer, Herbert. Money and children—what other objectives are there? I’ve too much of one and none of the other. Set ’em up, Herbert. Let’s drink to your kids.”
Herbert set out two cups, but shook his head. “Make it something else. I’ve no kids.”
“Sorry—none of my business. We’ll drink to the kids I haven’t got instead.” Herbert poured the drinks, from separate bottles.
“What’s that private stock of yours, Herbert? Let me try it.”
“You wouldn’t like it.”
“Why not?”
“Well, to tell the truth, it’s flavored water.”
“You’d drink a toast in that? Why, Herbert!”
“You don’t understand. My kidneys . . .”
Hamilton looked at him in sharp surprise. His host looked pleased. “You wouldn’t guess, would you? Yes, I’m a natural. But it’s my own hair I’m wearing. And my own teeth . . . mostly. Keep myself fit. Good a man as the next.” He dumped the liquid from his own cup, and refilled it from the bottle he had used for Hamilton’s drink. “Shucks! One won’t hurt me.” He raised his drink. “Long life!”
“And children,” Hamilton added mechanically.
They tossed them down. Herbert filled them up again. “Take children,” he began. “Any man wants to see his kids do better than he did. Now I’ve been married for twenty-five years to the same woman. My wife and I are both First Truthers and we don’t hold with these modern arrangements. But children . . . we settled that a long time ago. ‘Martha,’ I said to her, ‘it don’t matter what the brethren think. What’s right is right. Our kids are going to have every advantage that other kids have.’ And after a while she came around to my way of thinking. So we went to the Eugenics Board—”
Hamilton tried to think of a way to stop his confidences.
“I must say that they were very kind and polite. First they told us to think it over. ‘If you practice gene selection,’ they said, ‘your children won’t receive the control benefit.’ As if we didn’t know that: Money wasn’t the object. We wanted our lads to grow up fine and strong and smarter than we were. So we insisted and they made a chromosome chart on each of us.
“It was two, three weeks before they called us back. ‘Well, Doc,’ I said, soon as we were inside, ‘what’s the answer? What had we better select for?’ ‘Are you sure you want to do this?’ he says. ‘You’re both good sound types and the state needs controls like you. I’m willing to recommend an increase in benefit, if you’ll drop it.’ ‘No,’ I said, ‘I know my rights. Any citizen, even a control natural, can practice gene selection if he wants to.’ Then he let me have it, full charge.”
“Well?”
“There wasn’t anything to select for in either of us.”
“Huh?”
“ ’S truth. Little things, maybe. We could have arranged to leave out my wife’s hay fever, but that was about all. But as for planning a child that could compete on even terms with the general run of planned children, it just wasn’t in the cards. The material wasn’t there. They had made up an ideal chart of the best that could be combined from my genes and my wife’s and it still wasn’t good enough. It showed a maximum of a little over four percent over me and my wife in the general rating scale. ‘Furthermore,’ he told us, ‘you couldn’t plan on that score. We might search your germ plasm throughout your entire fertile period and never come across two gametes that could be combined in this combination.’ ‘How about mutations?’ I asked him. He just shrugged it off. ‘In the first place,’ he said, ‘it’s damned hard to pick out a mutation in the gene pattern of a gamete itself. You generally have to wait for the new characteristic to show up in the adult zygote, then try to locate the variation in the gene pattern. And you need at least thirty mutations, all at once, to get the child you want. It’s not mathematically possible.’“
“So you gave up the idea of planned children?”
“So we gave up the idea of children period. Martha offered to be host-mother to any child I could get, but I said ‘No, if it ain’t for us, it ain’t for us.’”
“Hmmm. I suppose so. Look—if you and your wife are both naturals, why do you bother to run this place? The citizens’ allowances plus two control benefits add up to quite a tidy income. You don’t look like a man with extravagant tastes.”
“I’m not. To tell you the truth we tried it, after our disappointment. But it didn’t work out. We got uneasy and fretful. Martha comes to me and says ‘Herbert, please yourself, but I’m going to start my hairdressing studio again.’ And I agreed with her. So here we are.”
“Yes, so we are,” Hamilton concurred. “It’s a queer world. Let’s have another drink.”
Herbert polished the bar before replying. “Mister, I wouldn’t feel right about selling you another unless you checked that gun with me and let me loan you a brassard.”
“So? Well, in that case I guess I’ve had enough. Good night.”
“G’night.”