Back | Next
Contents

DUPLICATE

star

Freddy Costello and Michael Z. Williamson


Video File 1

“Does anybody around here remember if I did anything this year?” Lieutenant Colonel, US Army (EUCOM) preparing his Officer Evaluation Report support form.

* * *

TOP SECRET

“To all who see these presents, greetings.” I’m Niles Geston. I like old things. I’m an historian, which means I like old, stuffy military documents. I’m also a librarian, data recovery archivist, and a virtual archaeologist. I use the Oxford comma and put two spaces after periods. I’m also now a part-time kelp farmer, by the direction of the government in the current year spirit of survival-of-the-human-species and democracy things.

I spend four days of the week doing what I’m academically and professionally trained to do as an official employee of the Armed Forces Post-War Information Reconstruction Office, operated by what’s left of the “Seven Eyes” unitary provisional government. Seven Eyes consists of the United States, the United Kingdom, Australia, Canada, India, Singapore, and New Zealand. Except Singapore doesn’t exist anymore, and New Zealand is barely hanging on, but we still call it Seven Eyes. Go figure.

For the remaining three days of the week, I farm kelp out on (REDACTED) Collective. I suck at it.

Shit what was that?

Sorry, I didn’t mean to leave you hanging, but one of my pod mates seemed like he was going to barge into my crèche unannounced. The mere act of recording anything remotely like this is enough to get me reeducated, but what the hell, I hate kelp farming, I’m not on the authorized bio-eugenic marriage wait list, and I don’t think I’m making Collective Farming Supervisor or Leading Historian anytime soon.

So that you and all future generations (assuming there are any) all know the truth behind the great big mess you’ve inherited from us, World War Three started over whale dong. Counterfeit whale dong. I’m not joking, the global superpowers, you know, the ones led by the “adults in the room,” blew up the world because of whale dick. Whale dick, whale dick, whale dick. Ground up, powdered ten-foot-long blue whale penis.

I’ll give you the short-short version. The People’s Republic of China faced extreme demographic and socio-economic crises, brought on by its own complex internal contradictions of policy and culture. Let’s just say that official state communism, that is the post-geriatric kleptocracy of the Chinese Communist Party, had to incentivize a population that, just like the pandas they supposedly loved so much, couldn’t or wouldn’t fuck to save itself from population implosion due to an enormous gender imbalance, aging, and the resulting economic contraction. One might be tempted to compare them to pre-war Japan, minus the cartoons, live dolls, and tentacle porn.

The Chinese Communist Party’s inner circle made a desperate appeal to the population via promotion of weaponized traditional animistic medicinal solutions, hoping for a baby boom. Large swaths of the population, as educated and bourgeois as it had become, had bought into it. Whether from fear, lack of unfiltered information, or a tacit acknowledgment that state atheistic materialism had really lacked something in the whole “meaning of life” department. Maybe they just needed a baculum to bone.

Now comes the fun part. What do you do when you’ve poached or farmed most of your traditional animal remedies for marital problems to extinction? When there is no more seahorse or tiger-penis extract? Well, no pun intended, you rise to the occasion. You create disinformation. You invent alternatives. You put an entire society’s effort into promoting these. All of a sudden, the official Party line is “Whale dong was always a treatment for impotence!” News flash. It wasn’t. “Platypus spleen is an aperitif, according to our glorious ancestors!” (The ones we completely made up five minutes ago).

What do you do when other countries, especially the Anglophone allies, won’t allow you to harvest those things? You do it anyway and make the United States and its tagalongs in NATO quite upset with you. Especially when said harvesting comes with human trafficking, drugs, counterfeit currency, intellectual-property piracy, and organized crime to exploit your still-enormous diaspora population. Now add a dash of neocolonialism all over Africa, and Central America. Belt and Road foreign policy with a side of sex tourism.

What happens if all that poaching and smuggling isn’t enough?

You start selling fake whale dick and hope people don’t notice it’s fake. And you harvest Australian platypus spleen, maybe even make fake musk deer extract for cosmetics too, since you already harvested that to near extinction.

If you really think you’re clever, you steal highly advanced prototype rapid-growth cloning technology and DNA samples of the original animals.

You make a duplicate. Duplicates made from cloned animals can be a little, well, “off,” just so you know. I believe that is what was called a “spoiler alert.”

Then things start to get interesting.

* * *

Email Exhibit #3506

“Between us girls, would it help to clarify the issue if you knew that Hungary is landlocked?” US Navy CDR to US Army MAJ (EUCOM) on why a deployment from Hungary is likely to proceed by air versus sea.

* * *

FROM: COMMANDER, SEVENTH FLEET (C7F)

TO: CDR FRASIER D. COPELAND, hey/ho/letsgo, CO GDDG-17 USS Occasio-Occasio

SUBJECT: WARNING ORDER

SECRET

Frasier,

Thanks for moving quick on SECNAV’s Decolonization Directive. Everyone jokes quietly that she’s the “secretary so nice she named herself twice,” but she wanted to make a point about giving back to the indigenous community of Aztlán. By the way you should fix your pronouns in your signature block before someone complains.

Sorry decolonization kept you tied up an extra two weeks on the shakedown. These Green Propulsion Guided Missile Destroyers are proving to be a lot more . . . problematic than expected. And it’s not just the smell, even though the biomass plant tends to smell worse underway. SECNAV won’t admit it, but she fired the last CNO for highlighting how much nausea and diarrhea degrade medical readiness. The new bacterial scrubbers are delayed until next FYDP.

I want to give you a heads-up on the WARNO that’s about to drop from PACFLT. You’re getting tapped for Freedom of Navigation in the South China Sea. I know the new missiles deployed on those little Chinese artificial reefs make FON trips a little sporty, but there’s no intel indicating any intent to actively interfere. There’s too much domestic tension on the Chinese mainland, and the insurgency in occupied Taiwan is sucking up all their bandwidth for the moment, so we might as well take advantage of it. I’m not a fan of the O-O going solo, so we’ll have a sub shadowing you.

Now here’s the fun part. White House wants Commander USINDOPACOM to make a point about Chinese smuggling. It’s the usual: endangered species animal parts. Add in illegal over-fishing, drug precursors, fake electronics, environmentally unfriendly fossil fuel burning equipment, the works. State fears this might escalate tensions, so they’re not so happy about this, but there you have it.

So, by the time you get to the South China Sea, this certain Chinese supertanker, the Luck Dragon, will be ready to leave port from Macao and head to Tonga, with a few stops along the way. Pick up and drop off stops. I’ve attached an intel brief for you and your command team.

When she reaches international waters, you will rendezvous with one of the new Coastie cutters.

Both of you are to shadow the supertanker and then . . .  . . . DATA LOST

(NOTE: I’ve been trying to reconstruct this for two years now, still no luck —NILES)

* * *

Air Force One Recording, Entry #706

“So, what do you wanna do?”...

“I dunno, what do YOU wanna do?”...

“I dunno, what do YOU wanna do?” etc. COL, US Army, (DIA) describing the way OUSD(S) (Undersecretary of Defense for Strategy) develops and implements their strategies.

* * *

TOP SECRET

POTUS: “. . . no honey, I won’t be home this weekend.”

VOICE 1: (Military Assistant? - UNK —NILES): “Madam President, we have an emerg—”

POTUS: “Can’t you see I’m busy?”

VOICE 1: “Ma’am, the Chinese sank the Occasio-Occasio.”

POTUS: “DON’T CALL ME ‘MA— I’m sorry what?”

VOICE 2: (SECDEF most likely —NILES): “It’s true. The O-O, along with one of our Coast Guard Green Environmental Enforcement Cutters intercepted that illicit supertanker we discussed at the PDB (Presidential Daily Brief) a month ago. We boarded the supertanker and found a jackpot. Broadcast some of it live too. You should see the ratings.”

POTUS: “What about the O-O? SECNAV must be beside herself.”

SECDEF: “The Chinese must have had a sub escorting it. Torpedoed the O-O. Left the cutter to pick up the survivors. They scuttled the supertanker. We picked up the Chinese sub only after it fired.”

POTUS: “I can’t even begin to count the norms they just violated!”

SECDEF: “Well, you know I’ve got just the thing.”

* * *

Audio File #7

“I’ll be right back. I have to go pound my nuts flat...” Lt Col, USAF, (EUCOM) after being assigned a difficult tasker.

* * *

Hello, Niles again. It’s been about three weeks since I touched this. Picked up some upper respiratory thing while cleaning the algae separators. The Level II Public Servant Clinic said it was a new coronavirus variant. I’ll add that one to the list. It hit me bad for about two weeks. Cricket paste doesn’t taste so bad when you can’t taste anything. I burned through a lot of social credits for food, fuel, and water while I couldn’t work. The good news is the pod is no longer a mess, I had plenty of time to clean it while my pod mates were temporarily relocated for quarantine.

Apparently, Counterintelligence interviewed them while I was on the mend. I think someone might suspect my little history side project. If it’s who I think it is, I’ll see them later this week. We might have a little “chat.”

That’s not what this entry is for though. For my hypothetical future reader, I want to set up what comes next on the road to ruin.

So, we’re not at the “and then they fired all the missiles” part yet. First, there were a lot of diplomatic démarches. Everybody got a démarche. And there were sternly worded letters read by stern-looking diplomats at the United Nations.

The New European Union strongly condemned the Luck Dragon Incident. Just the incident, they didn’t come out on one side or the other. Since reestablishment, they tended to keep their mouths shut on anything important, and member states were locked into Chinese mercantilism. Their recovery from the previous bout of wars and environmental tragedy was still in a precarious state. Rocking the boat could have proved disastrous for them and their large populations of displaced refugees. Tensions between those groups and NEU native populations were always high.

Poland-Lithuania (it was an odd year, during even years it was Lithuania-Poland), was a bit more belligerent. They chastised China for a whole raft of wrongdoing. The P-L/L-P Commonwealth had a long history of Russian, and now Chinese economic exploitation they wanted payback for, especially when it came to disastrous deforestation, Chinese guest workers who were very poor guests, and with flooding their markets with cheap electronics made with some nasty carcinogens.

Russia pretended it was still important, but they were on their third president and government-in-exile in as many years, so it was all rather confusing, since the other two Russias also issued statements. Russia is a big enough landmass, even with rising seas and the year-round lack of Arctic ice, that it fits three Russias. They don’t much care for each other, let alone anyone else.

The Japanese and Koreans mined their ports, but their rather muted responses had a bit of the “well here we go again, again” feel to it, and seriously, who could blame them?

The American response? Things escalated quickly. First, the President was caught on a hot mic referring to mainland China as “West Taiwan” after a press briefing, and then . . . 

* * *

White Presidential House Situation Room, National Security Council Transcript, Artifact #15

“Let’s face it: Africa sucks...” Department of State representative (Bureau of African Affairs) at a conference on Africa.

* * *

TOP SECRET

POTUS: “Well, I think I made them mad. How much damage are we looking at?”

SECSTATE: “Oh yeah, it’s sanctions and embargoes all the way down. Rare earths, they know they got us there. And they sank our destroyer ‘in self-defense’ of course, and we ‘committed an act of war,’ yadda yadda. So far, the only ones supporting them in the UN are Russia and Nicaragua, and the New EU is abstaining.”

POTUS: “Wait, which Russia?”

SECSTATE: “All of them.”

DIRECTOR OF NATIONAL INTELLIGENCE (DNI): “We did get one of their subs too, lost with all hands, but they won’t admit to it, and I think we should keep that under wraps for now as well. The wrecks of both the sub and the supertanker are extraordinarily deep, but there may be a chance we can recover some intelligence before the Chinese can mount a recovery.”

NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER (NATSEC): “We’re backed into a corner, Madam President. We must hit the Chinese where it hurts them the most, and it must be in a way the American people can feel satisfied after the tragic loss of the O-O. They’re out for blood.”

POTUS: “Must be sweeps week.”

SECDEF: “I think we go public with the rest of the videos the boarding party and drones transmitted from that ship! It will give us all the justification we need.”

DNI: “I disagree. We do that, and someone will expose what we’ve been working on these last few years as well, and that’ll bury us.”

POTUS: “Where’s VPOTUS?”

P-HOUSE Chief of Staff: “In Australia. At a Greenpeace ‘Save the Platypus’ event.”

POTUS: “Yeah, those things are getting poached left and right, and the Aussies are getting pissed about it. Have zim hold tight. We might need zim to work some shuttle diplomacy between us and the Aussies, the Kiwis, the Indians, and the Sings.”

SECDEF: “If you’re ready for the briefing?”

POTUS: “You’d better have options for us. Why not one of the standing plans?”

SECDEF: “Madam President, since the last administration left office twelve years ago, the interagency and the Department have been working on some controlled escalation plans. The concept worked well enough with the Russians. Ukraine and Belarus will be habitable again by the end of the century, so we think the risks with China are acceptable.”

SECSTATE: “You know that’s why the most powerful country in Europe is now freaking Ultra-Catholic Poland-Lithuania, or are we on a Lithuania-Poland year?”

POTUS: “It’s an odd year.”

SECSTATE: “Got it. Those ’phobes can go to their make-believe hell!”

CHAIR OF THE JOINT CHIEFS (CJCS): “Mz. Secretary, I think we should move forward with the briefing. Depending on what the Boss chooses, we’ll need to backbrief the service chiefs and the combatant commanders immediately . . . Excuse, me, I’ll be right back, I need to check on something.”

(CJCS LEAVES THE ROOM.)

SECDEF: “Ma’am . . .  dam, Madam President—sorry about that, shall we continue?”

POTUS: “Hurry up, this is a real election year, and I’ve got a full plate.”

SECDEF: “First, we need a robust naval and air flexible deterrence package in Asia and the Pacific, immediately. If VPOTUS can work the allies and partners, we’ll be good to go. I recommend we show them the entire boarding videos, the ones we haven’t shown to the public yet.”

DNI: “I still think that’s a bad idea!”

SECDEF: (Either didn’t hear the objection or didn’t care —NILES): “Here’s where things get tricky. We boost our deterrence in Asia. This messages to the Chinese that we can very quickly pivot and put a real hurtin’ on them. But the real name of this game is Africa. We’re going to do a little supply chain disruption of our own. We deploy a large counter-poaching and counter-economic exploitation peacekeeping force, at the invitation of the Organization of African Economies.”

POTUS: “Africa? We’re going to hit the Chinese by going to Africa. What the hell does Africa have to do with this? Africa sucks. For an NGO, the OAE is one hell of an organized crime ring. They only cut off the right arms. What, exactly, is your theory of success here?”

SECDEF: “Both us and the Chinese are dependent on rare earth elements for electric vehicles and military products, and they’re always trying to cut us out of the action. We need to cut them out instead. And we do that by going after their magic dick medicine.”

POTUS: “I’m sorry, what?”

SECSTATE: “I’m confused, there are no rhinos left in Africa. The Chinese stole, bought, or poached them by proxy years ago.”

NATSEC: “Actually rhino horn isn’t used to treat impotence or infertility in Traditional Chinese Medicine, and it’s racist to suggest that. But it is used to treat delirium, fever . . .”

DNI: “Do you really think this is time for this? Anyway, isn’t it tiger dick . . .”

(UNK VOICE): “Yeah, now it’s whale dick . . .”

POTUS: “CUT IT OUT! But if we ramp up deployments to Africa, that’s going to pull forces from the Tejas DMZ, and that’s leaves us short of Army forces for Asia.”

(LOUD INTERRUPTION)

CJCS: “Madam President, the Chief of Naval Operations called to tell me that they’ve recovered what might be the last of the O-O’s survivors!”

POTUS: “We got lucky there weren’t too many dead or MIA. Who is it?”

CJCS: “The captain, CDR Frasier Copeland.”

DNI: “They sure it’s him? It’s been almost a week.”

CJCS: “Positive ID due to . . . ummmm.”

POTUS: “To what?”

CJCS: “A distinctive tattoo.”

DNI: “Distinctive?”

CJCS: “On the captain’s penis, Madam President.”

POTUS: “Is it a feminine penis?”

(END TRANSCRIPT)

* * *

Chinese Communist Party Central Military Committee Archive, Item #78-65-01

“Is that a Navy or a Marine admiral?” MAJ, US Army, (EUCOM)

* * *

TOP SECRET

(NILES: I think my Mandarin holds up well, but I’m too worried about being caught if I use an online translating tool, so this is from memory.)

PEOPLE’S LIBERATION ARMY (PLA) GENERAL: “The Americans am idiots!”

COMMITTEE MEMBER: “Well yes, our understand this.”

GENERAL SECRETARY: “Gentlemen, pleasure calm yourselves. Currently, admiral, would do yours report pleasure continuity.” (Close enough —NILES)

PEOPLE’S LIBERATION ARMY NAVY (PLAN) ADMIRAL: “Yes, yours most esteemed translucent dental floss.” (Wait—that can’t be right —NILES)

“. . . we am the monitoring latest American surface active groups beginning to deploy originate our two-hundred-year planned Hawaiian province, and our intelligence also suggests that pending deployment for bomber aircrafts of that ‘show for force.’ planned is preparing that counterstrategy based in our four principles, six actions, two slogans, and twenty-five warfares doctrine, stemming originate yours benevolent guidance the upon lasted plenary council, and we . . .”

GENERAL SECRETARY: “Whereour issupercarrier? Why are is it don’t deployed?”

PLAN ADMIRAL: “Your excellency, our take deployed our autonomous robotic speedily attacked carriers already, fully embarked taking combat drones the and latest stealth sparkle heaven lit exploding phallus.” (NOTE: “missiles” —NILES)

“. . . our intelligent that would do be that suitable deterrent and shown for force, while capable of . . .”

GENERAL SECRETARY: “Where the is fucking supercarrier?”

PLAN ADMIRAL: “President Cao Cao is currently the touring ship taking several members the for government, our think it inauspicious and impolite to ended he is anytime early.”

PEOPLE’S LIBERATION ARMY AIR FORCE (PLAAF) GENERAL: “I the believable right honorable admiral means to said the this supreme president is praying the to lucky golden cat.”

GENERAL SECRETARY: “Gambling? Why are will himself be gambling?”

PLAN ADMIRAL: “Well due to budget shortfalls the for lasted few years, while then highly go to quarantine enforcement and sterilization, our come upon below of woman of overdue refit. Then, the while supercarrier were on drydock, some . . . arrangements . . . were make taking local businesses, to helped the fund worked and improved morale the for sailors and workers.”

PLAAF GENERAL: “He means an onboard casino, whorehouse, and opium lounge.”

GENERAL SECRETARY: “The president is late in he is a party dues anyway, and this is unacceptable. Sent that team to arrest himself and those for he is a cabinet engaged on such salacious and decadent imperialist counter-revolutionary actively. Have this ship ready to sailed immediately!”

PLAN ADMIRAL: “Yes, Yours Excellency, we’ll cleaned outward this den for iniquity, whores and junkies immediately!”

GENERAL SECRETARY: “Who say anything around cleaning it outward? cao cao go off to enjoyed himself and didn’t even cut my on the in active. Fuck himself prevent the kept casino!”

PLAN ADMIRAL: “Of course, Yours Excellency. Prevent should our waited until those finish the filming president’s episode for ‘Boats and Hoes’?”

* * *

Video File 14 (FRAGMENTARY)

“Things are looking up for us here. In fact, Papua-New Guinea is thinking of offering two platoons: one of infantry (headhunters) and one of engineers (hut builders). They want to eat any Iraqis they kill. We’ve got no issues with that, but State is being anal about it.” LTC, US Army (Joint Staff) on coalition building.

* * *

Niles here. Okay, my pod mates just left for their shift, so I have some time to myself. Things have taken an interesting turn over the last few weeks.

Wait one second...

Sorry, I thought one of them was coming back inside.

So, last week at the farm, I ran into a colleague of mine from Archival Sanitation. He’s a professional Disinformation Reducer. That means “censor,” but that word has been unremembered. He redacts sources, and marks documents and multimedia files for future classification review. Which means they disappear into a black hole forever. He hates it, and we got to talking about a few things. The point is, I think I can trust him.

* * *

Recording, United Nations General Assembly, New York, New York, Video File #15

“If we wait until the last minute to do it, it’ll only take a minute.” MAJ, US Army (EUCOM)

* * *

UNCLASSIFIED

CHINESE AMBASSADOR: “We absolutely and unconditionally condemn this vagrant act of American piracy and imperialism, of course that’s to be expected by the criminal regime in Washin—”

US AMBASSADOR: “Criminal? Oh, you want to talk about ‘criminal’? Check out these awesome selfies our Coast Guardsmen took onboard your smuggling vessel! Those cloned rhinos are what’s criminal! That skin color isn’t natural!”

CHINESE AMBASSADOR: “How dare you! You attacked a simple commercial vessel; you had no right to board and attack the crew! Your thugs fired the first shots!”

US AMBASSADOR: “MX. Secretary-General, may I draw your attention to the video I’ll now play.”

* * *

TOP SECRET

BREACHER: “GET DOWN ON THE DECK, NOW!”

(Incoherent shouting in Mandarin and English, and BREACHER’s camera shows multiple Chinese crewmen dropping tools, slowly lowering themselves to the ground.)

COAST GUARD 2: “Holy shit, dude, are those rhinos? They don’t look too good!”

(BREACHER’s camera briefly swivels to look at the rhino pens, just cheap chain link fences with linked concrete filled drums for barriers.)

COAST GUARD 3: “They don’t sound too good either, they’re not moving much. Look out!”

BREACHER quickly swivels back to the crewmen.

BREACHER: “I SAID STAY ON THE GROUND!”

CREWMAN 1 stops in his tracks, postured as if he was about to rush the BREACHER.

BREACHER: “PUT DOWN THAT PIPE RIGHT NOW, DO NOT COME CLOSER, OR I WILL USE DEADLY FORCE!”

COAST GUARD 2: “I got the crew, dude, put that camera on this other stuff. This is insane.”

(23 seconds of white noise and static)

(BREACHER’s POV shows crates stacked up and spread around the cargo hold.)

BREACHER: “Let’s see, we got crates full of packets of ground-up powders, and they don’t look like booger sugar. Peculiar, but very interesting.”

COAST GUARD 3: “You? You speak English?

CREWMAN 2: “Little. Little.”

COAST GUARDS 3: “What is this? WHAT IS THIS?”

CREWMAN 2: (Mandarin, then broken English.) “It whale, whale! Muck deer!”

COAST GUARD 3: “What the fuck?”

(BREACHER, watching exchange, adjusts his radio.)

UNK VOICE through RADIO: “. . . this isn’t industrial tooling; these look like some sort of medical hazard tanks. And there’s a big . . . aquarium in here, I think those are seahorses.”

COAST GUARD 2: “Watch out, dude, same asshole with the pipe from before!”

(Loud shouting in Mandarin. CREWMAN 1 attempts to slowly walk toward the BREACHER, but stumbles. The BREACHER opens fire. More shouting. The bright flash floods out the camera for several seconds, along with more shouting.)

COAST GUARD 3: “I think that really woke up the rhinos . . . oh shit!”

(BREACHER turns to see a large indistinct mass, and the feed cuts out.)

(NOTE: Further reconstruction with other artifacts from the boarding action corroborates the fact that the rhinos became agitated following the shooting of the Chinese crewman. It is unclear whether they were released, possibly by another crewmember when the boarding party was distracted, or the rhinos beat their way out of their confinement. Information from later in the war period indicates the rhino clones possessed a flaw of some kind. Engineered to be docile, these had some sort of defect that caused them to become even more dangerous than their natural forbearers, especially the females, but I’m not a biologist. —NILES)

* * *

Recovered UN Security Council Archive Transcript #16.1-Annex A

“The chance of success in these talks is the same as the number of R’s in ‘fat chance...’” GS-15 Civilian, Supreme Headquarters, Allied Powers Europe (SHAPE)

* * *

US AMBASSADOR TO THE UNITED NATIONS: “The United States demands full and immediate compensation to the nation and especially the families of those lost aboard the USS Occasio-Occasio, and a full accounting of illegal PRC activities in Africa and around the globe.”

PRC AMBASSADOR TO THE UNITED NATIONS: “The Chinese People’s Republic categorically rejects these boundless and shameless accusations by the imperialist thugs of Washington. Continued abuse and false words uttered in this esteemed assembly will be met with severe consequences. The People’s Republic has never engaged in illicit activities whatsoever, and we renounce this—”

EMPIRE OF KENYA AMBASSADOR TO THE UNITED NATIONS: “Horse shit! Those weren’t simple rhinos you reconstructed, you created unstable armored battle unicorns! You did this to destabilize Africa and create a biological weapon! They’re already killing people by the hundreds, since apparently, they don’t have any problem reproducing, unlike those stupid pandas . . .”

PRC AMBASSADOR: “Outrage! We have been nothing but the providers of economic justice and goodwill to the peoples of Africa and Southeast Asia, unlike the perfidious Americans. Surely, Mr. Secretary-General, surely you will restore or . . .”

SECRETARY-GENERAL OF THE UNITED NATIONS: “It’s MX! Everyone will observe proper pronoun usage in this forum! My pronouns are mx/mxz! How dare you misgender me!”

(NOTE: no pronunciation guides extant —NILES)

“. . . By overwhelming vote via the General Assembly, the United Nations universally condemns the actions of both the United States of America and the People’s Republic of China in this unfortunate event, as both countries displayed a blatant disregard for international norms and rules, hereby zhe all . . .”

US AMBASSADOR: “I don’t know what ‘zhe’ means Mrrr-whatever Secretary-General, but the United States will today put before the Security Council this resolution requesting authorization for the use of force against the Chinese government for multiple, continued, and flagrant violations of environmental laws resulting in crimes against humanity, to include weaponizing harmless animals!”

KENYAN AMBASSADOR: “At no point in history has a rhino ever been ‘harmless.’”

SECRETARY-GENERAL: “We will ignore America’s offensive mockery of pronoun justice, but rest assured, the Council on Human Rights will not! Both the United States and China have committed grotesque acts of pollution and contamination against the Earth, with purposefully sunken warships and unauthorized disposal of human remains! Therefore—Wait, what?”

(Sounds of chaos ensue—random gunfire, shouts, and crowd noises)

VOICE ON MEGAPHONE: “WE ARE THE ANIMAL LIBERATION MOVEMENT, and WE WILL NOT BE SILENCED, AND . . . wait, what are you trash doing here?”

OTHER VOICE ON MEGAPHONE: “WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE? Oh, um, sorry one sec, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? WE ARE THE MOVEMENT FOR THE LIBERATION OF ANIMALS, AND WE WILL NOT BE SILENCED! And did we double-book?”

* * *

American Nightly News Broadcast, Satellite Television, Archive File #897345

“I’m planning on taking the weekend off...notionally...” LT, US Navy (EUCOM) midway through a huge, simulated command exercise.

* * *

FEMALE ANCHOR: “The United Nations building in New York City was the scene of absolute chaos earlier today as the US and China continue to blame each other for the incident in the South China Sea which led to the loss of an American warship and a Chinese submarine, but not before the world caught a glimpse of what some are calling hard proof of Chinese genetic experimentation and illegal trafficking in rare animal parts. This was before two different groups of animal rights protesters stormed the building, overwhelming security. Over to our on-scene reporter for more.”

ON-SCENE REPORTER: “We’re live from the police barricade outside the UN building where things got briefly out of control earlier today, resulting in a huge surge of protesters who temporarily overwhelmed security, before the NYPD and National Guard troops responded in force . . .”

RANDOM STREET GUY: “Conspiracy! They were let in!”

ON-SCENE REPORTER: “Yeah, so they overwhelmed security, but were quickly subdued. Quite possibly because this wasn’t a coordinated event, and two rival groups of protesters . . .”

RANDOM STREET GUY: “False flag crisis actors!”

ON-SCENE REPORTER: “. . . But . . .”

FEMALE ANCHOR: “I’m sorry, Kelsey, we have late breaking news. We take you live to a press briefing from the Presidential House in Washington, where the President is about to make a statement about American troop deployments as tensions with the Chinese seem to be getting worse.”

* * *

Battlefield History Detachment #10, Debriefing File #4477

“‘Leaning forward’ is really just the first phase of ‘falling on your face.’” Col, USMC

* * *

TOP SECRET

US ARMY HISTORIAN: “So Captain Crane, can you please restate your account, and let’s leave out the unprofessional commentary and profanity this time?”

CAPT CRANE: “Okay, okay. Sorry. So, my ODA team was deployed for foreign internal defense training and special reconnaissance with the Vietnamese Army, up along the Chinese border. We’d been there for a few months already before things got crazy out in the open-source world, but since we’d had a, call it a ‘feeling,’ that things were going to take a turn for the worst, SOCOM wanted us in there early. The Vietnamese have no love for the PRC, and the Chinese are still mad since their two little wars didn’t go so well for them. That’s to say nothing of the historical animosity there. Higher saw this as a fantastic opportunity to prepare a land domain flank against China if things really got out of hand in Africa or elsewhere.”

USA HISTORIAN: “And that’s when your mixed force encountered a Chinese patrol conducting a cross-border reconnaissance?”

CRANE: “I don’t know if you could call a force that size a ‘patrol.’ Reconnaissance-in-force was more like it. They looked like they were planning on staying awhile.

USA HISTORIAN: “Did you make the call to remain in place and observe?”

CRANE: “Based on my orders and on the capabilities I had on hand, both my team’s and the Vietnamese, yes. We knew something was up, but we’d been offline for several days on purpose to avoid detection, so I hadn’t gotten the latest intel.”

USA HISTORIAN: “So, who ran into whom?”

CRANE: “Well, that’s where things get funny you see, and why we’re redoing this damned interview, again!”

HISTORIAN: “Now hold on!”

CRANE: “So, again, one of our indigenous force types decides he’s going to take out a sentry. Honestly, I think his bros put him up to it, or he had some sort of personal score to settle, maybe for his family, I don’t know. You’d think the way they do things they would have beaten this kind of sh—sorry, behavior, out of them. So, his squad leader breaks radio silence to warn me, and that’s when somebody just opens up. Pretty soon, there’s a firefight between us and the Chinese pickets, and that turns into a fighting retreat by us. This gets the Chinese all enthused, and they start a hasty attack. It’s just so badly executed; I mean it’s a clusterfuck.”

HISTORIAN: “We’ll just beep that out.”

CRANE: “Yeah. Anyway, they execute so poorly, we’re able to rally and send the Vietnamese forces and flank the bastards. I’m getting ready to launch a counterattack here, I mean, we’re outnumbered at least three-to-one, but these assholes suck shit and crap incompetence, so I think we can take ’em and let the politicians sort it out later.”

HISTORIAN: “How did you learn about the noncombatants?”

CRANE: “So, get this! We’re ready to hammer them, I mean we’re about to overrun some positions through this thicket, and we hear shouting in English!”

HISTORIAN: “Continue.”

CRANE: “Not good English either, that snotty European ‘Ztop vhat you are do-eeeng’ English. And, then these fucking hippies, uh, these noncombatant civilians, are coming out of the trees and wave banners and shit between us and the Chinese. They have some reporter with them too, you see her all the time on streaming news. Kinda hot in that crazy dumbass college chick way, suck the paint off a new truck.”

HISTORIAN: “Captain Crane, please stay focused!”

CRANE: “Anyway, so we all just kind of stand there and we’re looking at each other. Civilians, PRC, us. I can see this PRC officer, the look he has on his face, I think he mouthed ‘What the f—?’ to me, and I just shake my head back. So, the whiny, nasally skinny civilian dude starts yelling at us all. He says, ‘Ve are zee Ecologeests Without Bor-dares, and ziss is ze ’abitat of zee Southeast Azheen Climbing Tree Octopus!’ Then these fuckers all start chanting and waving signs at us.”

HISTORIAN: “So, who shot them first?”

CRANE: “Well, somebody beat me to it.”

* * *

USAFRICOM, Audio File #75

“I’ve become the master of nodding my head and acting like I give a shit, and then instantly forgetting what the hell a person was saying the moment they walk away.” General / Flag Officer Executive Assistant

* * *

TOP SECRET

US ARMY BRIGADIER GENERAL, JTF-RHINO: “I should have retired last year.”

US AIR FORCE COLONEL: “Sir, Intel’s ready to go for the Commander’s Update Brief.”

BG: “Let me hear it first.”

INTEL BRIEFER: “US, Coalition, and African partners and allies, and co-combatants, and . . .”

BG: “Yes, all the good guys, got it, speed this up.”

INTEL BRIEFER: “Forces all over the AOR are reporting hostile encounters with PRC-produced clone animals. If you’ll direct your attention to the screen.”

(NOTE: I can’t find the actual video files, but I do have the briefing slide deck. Rabid mutant Chinese clone tigers, rhinos, gazelles. Ripping people to shreds. Ripping both Chinese and American forces to shreds. Real disturbing stuff. —NILES)

COLONEL: “Oh that’s just wrong.”

INTEL BRIEFER: “This has led to a strategic pause in the Chinese offensive, as the Chinese seem to be attempting to deploy chemical or biological countermeasures against these animals. This has caused significant defections in their African allies, most of whom are declaring neutrality, or declaring hostilities against both Coalition and Chinese forces and vowing to fight to expel both.”

BG: “Yeesh, this is a mess. What’s that mean for us, Chief of Ops?”

COLONEL: “Well, we have reinforcements on the way from CONUS and they’ll arrive in less than 30 days but expect the Chinese Navy to harass the convoys. They probably won’t shoot, unless they can prove their new torpedoes are green enough to get around the UN sanctions.”

BG: “Well, that doesn’t leave much for the fight in Asia. That puts most of the Army here and on the southwest border. What’s home plate doing about that?”

COLONEL: “Seems like it’s boom time for private military contractors. These are just straight up mercs.”

BG: “Where’d we get them all?”

COLONEL: “China, it looks like.”

* * *

Video File #56

“Who are you talking to?...Hang up the phone!” Lt Col, USAF, mentoring MAJ, USA (EUCOM) on how to stay in his own lane.

* * *

I am Niles Geston, and the last few months have been extremely productive, and I’m not talking about the damn kelp farm! The more of my oppressed fellows who see the truth about the War, the truth about our world and the nightmare it’s become, the more our only course of action seems clear to us. Soon. We continue to build our network. We’ve found that surveillance is neither total, nor persistent. We’ve found that a regime that survives on falsifying records and destroying memory is easy to also steal from. Someday, we’ll hang them with their own hemp rope.

* * *

China-Burma Theater of Operations, Joint Task Force Tree Octopus, Excerpts from US Situation Report (SITREP) #83

“Let’s just call Lessons Learned what they really are: institutionalized scab picking.” Anonymous

* * *

SECRET

OBSERVATIONS AND LESSONS LEARNED:

– PARA 3.A.1. Green tanks carry fewer rounds and need generators to recharge.

– ***

– PARA 4.1. The role of the newly appointed Environmental Officers is to discuss designations of protected terrain under a “green flag,” per UNSC Resolution 80452/12.88.4 Sub-Para 18, which introduces the green flag as an internationally recognized symbol of rules-based environmental order and the new norms of conduct between nations.

– 4.1.1. All tread-damaged terrain since H+0 is declared environmentally contaminated and designated protected wetlands.

– 4.1.2. Terrain damaged as such is off-limits for armored and mechanized operations of any kind. PRC compliance observance reported at less than fifty percent.

– ***

– PARA 5.1.1.B.17. During periods of environmental temperatures over 38C, all forces are only authorized to run fossil fuel engines 45 minutes of each hour.

– PARA 5.1.1.B.18. Remaining 15 minutes of each hour monitored and tracked as mandatory carbon footprint pauses.

– ***

– PARA 13.8.1.A.3. All personnel are hereby limited in their further use of tungsten ammunition to no more than 5 rounds per combat load. Ammo status AMBER.

– PARA 13.8.1.A.4. It was discovered that all tungsten ammunition stocks are sourced from the People’s Republic of China and must be destroyed. No amnesty authorized. Ammo status RED.

– PARA 13.8.1.A.5. Joint Staff has ordered return to AR-15-based issue long-arm platforms.

– PARA 13.8.1.A.6. Significant problems with reissuing AR-15-style weapons. Large numbers of personnel refuse to train with and use the “black plastic scary gun.”

* * *

Cheyenne Mountain Complex, Audio File #62

“I just realized that this War on Terror might take a little longer than we thought, so I am developing a new system of hanging charts on walls to solve our problem and win the war.” LTC (EUCOM) after a review of long-range Counter Terrorism plans.

* * *

TOP SECRET

POTUS: “So how do we break the stalemates, people? What are our options to get us back on the move in Africa and in Southeast Asia, and control escalation? The Russias, all three of them, are making a lot of ugly noises, and the NEUs are getting more skittish by the day!”

NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISOR: “Madam President, fortunately, all parties to this conflict are keeping nuclear weapons off the table, for now, and I think we can keep it that way.”

DIRECTOR, NATIONAL INTELLIGENCE: The CIA has a recommendation, if you’re willing to hear it, Madam President, it will require your authorization for a clandestine operation.”

CJCS: “Tony, if this is what I think it is, I want to lodge my formal protest of this course of action. There’s no way to guarantee just what will happen once the asset is deployed!”

POTUS: “It’s a good thing the VPOTUS is still in Australia and the Speaker is in a continuity of government site, this is a real gamble here you’re asking me to make. I hope you’re right.”

* * *

New European Union Premium Streaming News Content, #45

“Even if Al-Qaeda nuked this place, the Chief of Staff would approve a 4-star visitor the very next day!” GS-12 Civilian (EUCOM)

* * *

MALE ANCHOR: “We now take you live to a special report from Hainan Island, China and to our special correspondent, Christina Shrubs.”

SHRUBS: “Thank you, Tom. Can you hear me?”

MALE ANCHOR: “That’s a ‘lima charlie’ as our brave service members like to say, Christina!”

SHRUBS: “Yeah, got it. Thanks, Tom. As you can see here, I’m embedded with Greenpeace and the UN observers’ contingent assigned to encourage and document compliance with international law regarding environmental damage during war time, and it seems there’s a peculiar predicament here. You can see there is a large group of pandas in this area, and the Chinese forces have been forced to suspend their combat operations against American special forces who are believed to be in this area of Hainan.”

MALE ANCHOR: “Wow, that’s got to be making them upset, Christina!”

SHRUBS: “That’s correct, Tom. And as you can see, a Chinese PLA officer seems to be arguing with the Greenpeace representative and the leader of the UN observers. But there doesn’t seem to be any sign of the Americans.”

(The group of pandas continue to slowly work their way closer and closer to the tree line. Rolling, walking on all fours, and then suddenly, several of them stand upright and take off running.)

MALE ANCHOR: “Wow, Christina, those pandas appear to be the American special forces . . . and they appear to be . . . dressed as pandas?”

SHRUBS: “Truly brilliant observation, Tom, but who knows what the special forces are doing here? This could be a major turning point in the war.”

MALE ANCHOR: “Christina, do you think you could get me a couple of challenge coins? My son really loves those!”

SHRUBS: “I’m going to try and get a statement from the UN or Greenpeace here!”

UN OBSERVER: (Speaking to the PRC troop leader) “Well, technically, they’re not in an illegal fake uniform, just one that’s well camouflaged. It’s not our fault your troops couldn’t see through that, but good on you for your caution in the defense of a truly special rare species!”

PLA OFFICER: “Damn it! Come on out, guys!”

(A small team of Chinese special forces, dressed as cranes, stands up and walks out of the other side of the tree line.)

PLA OFFICER: “You find them?”

CHINESE SPECIAL FORCES OPERATOR:We ain’t found shit!”



FILE #770










THIS PAGE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK



People’s Liberation Army Supreme Command, File #7

“We are now past the good idea cutoff point...” MAJ (JS) on the fact that somebody always tries to “fine tune” a COA with more “good ideas.”

* * *

CCP GENERAL SECRETARY: “The tea crop is blighted! Next will be grain! That’s what those American SOF bastards were doing in Hainan! And you incompetents let them!”

PLA GENERAL: “We can prove the Americans used a bioweapon! This will make them a pariah like they deserve!”

PLAN ADMIRAL: “Well, it’s not like our track record in this area has made us a lot of friends at the UN, or anywhere else. There are still new viral outbreaks every few months, and they hit us too!”

PLA GENERAL #2: “Korean forces have advanced beyond Pyongyang. With the majority of our forces committed in Africa, the island chains and Indochina, we’re at a loss to stop them should they push beyond the Yalu.”

GENERAL SECRETARY: “What about the Russians?”

PLA GENERAL: “Which ones?”

GENERAL SECRETARY: “The Siberian ones, you dolt!”

PLA GENERAL: “Yes, we asked them to intervene. Their response was rather curt.”

PLAN ADMIRAL: “The other two are just itching to go back into Europe though.”

GENERAL SECRETARY: “Can we get them to go after the P-Ls?”

PLA GENERAL: “It’s the L-Ps this year, but yes, I think we can engineer something. The L-Ps have a crane exhibit at the national zoo in Vilnius. We could infiltrate our SOF and create a—”

GENERAL SECRETARY: “No more cranes!”

PLA SPACE STRATEGIC FORCES: “Mr. Chairman, now might be time to consider our space orbital-to-ground options.”

(Silence for several moments)

GENERAL SECRETARY: “You realize that once we do that, there is no going back for the world, none!”

PLA SPACE STRATEGIC FORCES: “If we don’t strike now, with everything we’ve got, space kinetics, cyber, the works, we’re done.”

PLAN ADMIRAL: “The Japanese blockade of Taiwan, China, is nearly completed.”

GENERAL SECRETARY: “Time to get into the bunkers. Strategic Forces are authorized to launch. Nukes only as a retaliatory strike, if the Americans survive long enough to launch theirs!”

* * *

US Embassy Canberra, Australian Capital Territory: Vice President of the USA and Australian Foreign Minister Discussing Impact of US-China War on Australia, Transcript File #77:

“Never pet a burning dog.” LTC (Tennessee Army National Guard)

* * *

TOP SECRET

VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES (VPOTUS): “Mr. Foreign Minister, thank you for meeting with me today. I understand the Prime Minister is indisposed, but the President asked me to make one more final appeal regarding additional Australian forces being committed to the joint area of operations on the mainland. I trust our security on the compound is reassuring, given unfortunate recent events?”

FOREIGN MINISTER: “It is, considering if by ‘unfortunate recent events’ you mean launching a bioweapon on my country’s national territory. Oh, by the way, you won’t be leaving this compound any time soon, not if you want to stay treaty allies, until reparations are made.”

VPOTUS: “The platypuses? Yes, well, you see . . .”

FOREIGN MINISTER: “I personally watched one of these things rip apart a dingo and mount its corpse! Can you imagine if that was a baby?”

VPOTUS: “That might have just been a clump of cells, let’s not get carried away here!”

FOREIGN MINISTER: “The baby wasn’t real; it was a reductio absurdum!”

VPOTUS: “The President has assured me that our best scientists are rapidly approaching an antidote vaccine that will adjust the aggression in the surviving mutated platypuses. Now, this will sterilize them, but we think there are enough untainted specimens in zoos that can rebuild the population once the war is over and the new norms established. This was all done in the name of helping to reduce China’s increasing grip on your nation’s politics, which has been negatively affecting our alliance, I might add, and put a dent in the illicit revenues they’ve gained through smuggling endangered species and animal products.”

FOREIGN MINISTER: “Helping? ‘Defeat Chinese smuggling.’ Do you honestly believe this has ‘helped’ the situation at all? Your crank mad scientists deployed a fucking bioweapon on the sovereign territory of a treaty ally, killing off most of a healthy native species beloved all over the world and a national symbol, and turned the survivors into bloodthirsty baby-eating, dingo-fucking mutant attack-platypi in a country where most of the native flora and fauna are already trying to kill everyone, and that’s just called ‘Tuesday’ around here!”

VPOTUS: “Well, Minister, you see . . .”

FOREIGN MINISTER: “What do you have to say for yourselves, hmmm?”

VPOTUS: “We had to destroy the species in order to save it.”

* * *

Audio File #138-X

“If you want to take down a country, gimme a call. We’ll get it done.” General/Flag Officer, (EUCOM) to a gathering of US Ambassadors.

* * *

This is Niles. The time for revolution is at hand! We will never get a better opportunity than this! I’ve been in touch with fellow travelers throughout the Collectives, and our network has grown strong. The regime is powerful, but wobbly and precarious. Its power is much less assured than they want us all to believe. There are some internal disagreements between our revolutionary factions, but those will be sorted out once the revolution has begun in earnest. We’ll overthrow those who would lie to us and make us liars in the process. We were never meant to live like this. The usurper provisional government carries on the legacy of the United States and its Commonwealth allies in name only, and even then, just barely. This travesty must be stopped!

* * *

National Command Authority (Location and Date Unknown), Transcript #100

“Ya know, in this Command, if the world were supposed to end tomorrow, it would still happen behind schedule.” CWO4 (Chief Warrant Officer) (ret) (EUCOM)

* * *

The Chinese KEW strike crippled US and coalition forces, and struck at the homelands, killing millions and devastating essential industries and critical infrastructure. Moments later, two of the three Russias launched an invasion of the P-L Commonwealth, the eastern flank of the New European Union.

The President asked for and received a formal declaration of war against China and two out of three Russias, and did the formerly unthinkable, committing surviving US strategic nuclear forces to the attack. Fortunately, since the outbreak of the police actions in Africa, those forces had been on high alert so many more survived than the Chinese had hoped to kill.

It is not known how much of the American government has survived, nor how viable the United States is currently. We are struggling to restore communications to US forces overseas as well as our European allies and partners.

The French responded at last, several hours later. After a short midday break, they fired their missiles, providing a second-strike capability after the initial American and European strike.

It is currently unknown how much of the Russian and Chinese governments, populations, or forces have survived either.

***

Audio File #451

“We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much for so long with so little, that we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.” Anonymous.

***

NILES: “I, Niles Geston, (white noise) . . .  And this will probably be my final entry.”

BOOM! (Muffled explosions in the background, and the staccato of automatic weapons, shouts in the distance and indecipherable loudspeaker announcements.)

NILES: “The ones I trusted, precious disciples of knowledge of a world soon to be lost forever, all dead or dying.”

BASH BASH! (Beating upon metal, following by an electronically distorted, amplified voice.)

VOICE 1:OPEN UP IN THERE, OPEN THIS POD IMMEDIATELY, AND BE BOUND BY THE LAW OF THE REUNITED STATES OF AMERICA!”

NILES: “I commend these data records to the future, because I know they’ll find the books, they’ll find the magnetic tapes, hard drives, DVDs. There’s more now, scattered throughout the world, hidden. Deep—”

BASH BASH! (Beating upon metal, followed by an electronically masked, amplified voice.)

VOICE 1: “NILES GESTON! YOU ARE ACCUSED OF UNAUTHORIZED RESEARCH, MURDER, SABOTAGE, CONSPIRACY, AND TREASON! OPEN UP IMMEDIATELY AND YOU WILL RECEIVE A FAIR TRIAL!”

NILES: “They are coming. I cannot get out. They are coming. God, if you’re there, don’t let them find this audio. Forgive us our sins . . .”

BASH BASH!

VOICE 1: “THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING! WE WILL USE DEADLY FORCE!”

NILES: “I saved some whiskey for a moment like this, just in case. A friend in Pod Block 1138 traded it for a book.”

BOOM! (A much louder explosion, the sound of gas escaping under high pressure, and a burst of automatic gunfire.)

VOICE 1: “That him?”

VOICE 2: “Gonna need DNA, his face is gone.”

VOICE 1: “Does it matter?”

VOICE 3: “Don’t bother searching. Orders are ‘Once we get him, dead or alive, burn everything. Then clear out the pod blocks, no prisoners. Burn the rest.’”

VOICE 1 & 2: “Copy.”

VOICE 3: “Where’s Montag? Get him in here. Burn all of it.”

VOICE 1: “You hear that?”

RECORDED AUDIO, UNKNOWN VOICE: “...but a whimper.”

BOOM!

THE END? (Naahhh)


Back | Next
Framed