CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
TECH SUPPORT
Build-A-Dragon Support Chat Transcript.
Operator: Li-Huei Chang
Date: August 23rd.
System: We appreciate your patience. A support operator will be with you in two minutes.
System: We appreciate your patience. A support operator will be with you in one minute.
Charles Smith (trainee): Hello, and thank you for contacting the Build-A-Dragon Company. May I have your name, please?
Guest 5: Maria Domingo Sanchez.
Charles Smith (trainee): Good afternoon, Mrs. Sanchez.
Guest 5: It’s MISS Sanchez!
Charles Smith (trainee): Of course. Miss Sanchez. How can I help you today?
Guest 5: Something’s wrong with my dragon.
Charles Smith (trainee): What seems to be the problem?
Guest 5: It got fat.
Charles Smith (trainee): I’d be happy to help you with that. I see you have a Rover model. Is that correct?
Guest 5: Yep. His name’s Drago Malfoy.
Charles Smith (trainee): Bravo on the literary reference. Adult Rovers should be sixty to eighty pounds. How much does yours weigh?
Guest 5: I don’t know, 140?
Charles Smith (trainee): Just to confirm, miss, you have standard Rover model that weighs 140 pounds?
Guest 5: That’s right.
Charles Smith (trainee): Good God! What have you been feeding him?
Guest 5: He likes to hang out under the table, so I guess it’s mostly what we’re eating. Hamburgers, pizza, chicken wings. Chili cheese burritos.
Charles Smith (trainee): Is that all? No dessert?
Guest 5: Oh, he’s got quite the sweet tooth. Cakes with extra frosting. Cookies. Deep-fried Oreos are his favorite.
Charles Smith (trainee): I’m afraid that the reptilian digestive system is not designed to handle high levels of sugar and saturated fat.
Guest 5: In English, please.
Charles Smith (trainee): Stop feeding your dragon so much junk food, Miss Sanchez.
Guest 5: Well, what should we feed him?
Charles Smith (trainee): Most of our customers feed their dragons genuine Reptilian dragon food, and they stay quite lean.
Charles Smith (trainee): The dragons, that is.
Guest 5: Did you just call me fat?
Charles Smith (trainee): I absolutely did not, Miss Sanchez.
Guest 5: You think I’m fat, don’t you?
Charles Smith (trainee): I certainly wouldn’t know.
Guest 5: Let’s see you pop out three children and maintain an ideal weight!
Charles Smith (trainee): That certainly would be a stretch for me, Miss Sanchez. But back to the dragon . . .
Guest 5: What about it?
Charles Smith (trainee): Changing his diet should help considerably, but I might also recommend regular exercise.
Guest 5: Well, he likes sports.
Charles Smith (trainee): Outstanding. Any sports in particular?
Guest 5: Baseball, golf, tennis . . . And football, of course.
Charles Smith (trainee): Your dragon plays football?
Guest 5: He doesn’t play, he watches it on TV like everyone else.
Charles Smith (trainee): Ah.
Guest 5: He devotes a lot of hours to it already. I’m not sure we can add more.
Charles Smith (trainee): You understand that watching sports on television doesn’t really count as exercise, right?
Guest 5: Says who?
Charles Smith (trainee): I suppose that’s a toss-up between physics and reality.
Guest 5: Psh. I’m in decent shape and that’s all I do.
Charles Smith (trainee): I’m not going to touch that one, Miss Sanchez. May I ask, do you generally keep your Rover indoors or outdoors?
Guest 5: About half in, half out.
Charles Smith (trainee): So, I assume you let him out during the day, and bring it in at nightfall?
Guest 5: No, I meant LITERALLY half and half. He’s stuck in the doggie door.
Guest 5: That’s why I’m talking to you.
Charles Smith (trainee): I’m afraid that the Build-A-Dragon company cannot be held liable for property damage due to negligence.
Guest 5: I don’t give a damn about the door. I just want to get my dragon unstuck from it.
Charles Smith (trainee): Do you have any vegetable oil in the house? Perhaps in bottom of the deep fryer?
Guest 5: How do you know I have a deep fryer?
Charles Smith (trainee): Call it a lucky guess. Does that mean you have some?
Guest 5: We got plenty.
Charles Smith (trainee): If you rub oil generously about the dragon’s middle, I think you’ll be able to ease him out of the door.
Guest 5: I’ll give it a try. For now, I have to sign off for dinner.
Charles Smith (trainee): Well, I’d hate to come between you and a meal. Good evening, Miss Sanchez. Thank you for contacting The Build-A-Dragon Company.